Sweet as turpentine
to drink
her killer smile,
curled up to
your trembling lips.
Soft as nails
her skin
abrasions of you,
all wrapped up
in fading scabs.
Slides like poison
disguised just so,
you drink her in
and drunk
she empties
herself into you.
Just like scars
picked apart again,
you rub against her
open wounds
she catches
a crimson you.
Stumbling sweet
your turpentine smiles,
so soft,
nails pressed just so
threatening to rip
apart your very soul.
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Interesting - and paradoxical. Gets the reader's attention with the dissonance of the imagery. "Sweet as turpentine to drink;" "Soft as nails..." Something you see as being so good on the surface is really painful and possibly harmful. Unfortunately love is often like that. We think it's oh so sweet and it tears us apart. Smooth, dancing rhythm to this poem, like water running over smooth rocks, and the (as always) beautiful words are juxtaposed with the harsh realities of the images.
"Damned fine;" but then, your work usually is, hun.
__________________
.
"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Nicely done. I'm just wondering why this is in the amateur section?
You did a swell job at creating a woman(?) who is dangerous or fatal just like swallowing turpentine. She's evilness but somehow comforting; beautiful but hidden.
Hmmmmmmmm... there's my awesome two-cents.
Nice piece, Vee.
-
__________________
You know, if you're gonna ask someone to save the world, you'd better make sure they like it the way it is.
Thank you both very much - and amateur, all of my work has been there as of late...
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Theres alot going on in so few words, it almost seems like a birth story, and then everything is also opposite of what it really is. Deadly and Sweet at the same time. Nice.
The imagery ( ok i spelled that wrong) in this is amazing. The pictures you painted were just great! I can't even begin to explain what I saw in my mind. This was an awsome peice.
__________________
Time is a paradox, waiting to be undone.
I get the depiction of a dangerous sensuality......... I am such a big fan of yours that this is going to be redundant of all I've written before...... Beautiful imagery darlin'...... Excellent job!
__________________
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
OMG- the last line is such a killer. Amazing. Absolutely Amazing! But I must admit I'm not fond of the rest -mainly because its too convoluted and intricate for my taste. However, the last stanza: perfect.
__________________
My penmanship is hardpressed / with wordy
weight / hurried and broken / unpracticed, unscripted / untamed
Re: Turpentine
Linear Mode
