It's been a long time coming,
A form of suicide.
In the pull of a trigger,
In those bloody knives.
I thought 'boys don't cry,'
But you're screaming now.
Girls are pretty flowers,
But I've grown thorns somehow.
You thought you'd take me out,
Like all of those before.
Well I'm here to tell you,
They'll find you on the floor.
You should've known better,
I won't go out like that.
I'm a fighter till the end,
I'm not some little sap.
I refuse to hear your begging,
I'm through with me and you.
Now my finger's feeling itchy,
And my shotgun's overdue.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Man, that last stanza really sumed it up, particularly liked the last two. I wouldn't wanna be caught between you and the end of a gun, seems like you wouldn't think twice about pulling the trigger. Good job, I suppose he caught what was coming.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
The imagery is strong yet not at all forced...... this just happens to be one of those days when I am in the mood for the darker side of life.........Great job
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I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
Dyskonekt, (man, your name is pretty hard to type, I hope I got it right) thanks, I like that second suggestion.
Quote:
My favorite of yours so far.
Thanks but I don't really have that many yet.
Psycosis, thanks, I try.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Andromeda, thanks, I loved the last two lines in that stanza, just came out of nowhere.
Quote:
and you end with a bang. Lovely!
Carpe, thanks, I can only try.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Those last two lines made me smile, honestly. I just liked it so much. The whole thing was nicely done, it just worked. It flowed fine, the rhymes were well executed, not really a bump in the road at all. Nice job.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
Thanks, it's a little outside the box for me but I like it and am pleased to know I'm not the only one.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Atlas, this is heart-wrenching, I despise men (except myself), this made me cry. But do not be proud, for I am inane. That doesn't mean I have many, many, moments of clarity ( as 'they' say) and I know honesty when I see it.
It's been a long time coming,
A form of suicide.
In the pull of a trigger,
In those bloody knives.
I thought 'boys don't cry,' - (Th3re's no Cure for Boys, they Don't know how not to Cry(im drunk sorry))
But you're screaming now.
Girls are pretty flowers,<-these
But I've grown thorns somehow.<-two lines are very emphatic, i love your strength)
You thought you'd take me out,
Like all of those before.
Well I'm here to tell you,
They'll find you on the floor.
(maybe i shouldn't comment too much, im apt too divulge too much vulgarity and ignorance w/o sobriety. but these four lines i enjoy much. I have to say, I am a sexist, that is, i hate men, collectively (yes, i am a man (boy, w/e))
I refuse to hear your begging,
I'm through with me and you.
Now my finger's feeling itchy,
And my shotgun's overdue.
This ending was pleasing, do not fall for the dribble of a clod beggin' and promising he'll chang, he's sorry, no, it's the hiss of a viper.
These two last lines, I love you, your perception of reality for. Enough.
"Now my finger's feeling itchy,
And my shotgun's overdue."
Good work, I apologize for commenting while drunk and 'different'. thank you for sharing, and i know you probably think you're not that good, since all (or most) great writers thinks, well, you are. -Anthony.....take care cousin primate.
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"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan in "Cosmos"
um...thanks. I appreciate your comments and feedback. And don't worry, you can reply drunk to any of my pieces for as long as you wish,.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Uh, yeah. Somehow I missed this. Must have been during that stretch I was away from the site. Anyway, this is "wow." Hard hitting, gritty and real. Your MC is a no-nonsense lady who's no fool. Nicely done...
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Thanks, the song I wrote titled 'Itchy' is about this piece. It kind of gives a bit of backstory to this one. The why and how it happened and all.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Ok, thanks again for the comment, I appreciate it.
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
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"Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!"
Re: Itchy
Great imagery and powerful words. I love it. Great job!
Re: Itchy
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