A tide is coming,
A vengeful god rising
From the seas.
A crashing,
thirsty wave,
sweeping away the unworthy,
cleansing the land of the wicked,
and lifting the heartless,
dashing their bodies against
the jagged, merciless rocks.
Their blood a gushing darkness
of the horrors that flow
in their veins.
For these who remain,
in a land where shadows
have swallowed the light,
a tide is coming.
Hide...those who can.
Run...those who dare.
Stand...
Very few pieces are perfect, there's always room for improvement in someones eyes if they choose to see it that way. But it doesn't need to be masterfully crafted, in anyway whatsoever. I think it's just fine the way it is.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
Oh, my, this has great imagery in it, from top to bottom. Well-crafted and well-written, especially for someone who claims to be a neophyte poet. Nicely done, Kal.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Their blood a gushing darkness
of the horrors that flow
in their veins.
Everything else is perfectly fine except for this line. It kind of interrupts the flow of the poem. Everything else is in a sort of continuous run and then a stop. This is very short and concise. I would attach it to something to make the poem flow better. It also throws off the rhythm.
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"To take away someone's individuality is to take away their humanity, and frankly it just sucks." -me
Brilliant........ I loved this from start to finish..........very good descriptive writing
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I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
This is decent, mixed well together I think. The ending, like others have commented, I like most of all.
Quote:
"Hide...those who can.
Run...those who dare.
Stand...
...and be swept away.
I especially liked, "Stand... ...and be swept away." Shows the silly way pride can make humans act when they have no control, especially in relation to the elements and machinery (e.g., cursing your computer for "freezing up" or your car not starting. lol.) Good job. I didn't see anything that should be corrected.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Linear Mode
