[shatteredsight]

The whole World should bleed
every time a man drinks
and hits his wife
the world should bleed the night
she takes too much to
hang on to life.

The World should bleed
the day a teen grips
switchblade tight, tears
flowing free for years
she spent, pure misery
erased as the pain sears.

The whole world should bleed
as a mother cries
over her little boy, that rode his bike
at the same damn time
his drugged up brother
chose to drink and drive.

The World should bleed
but nothing leaves Her veins
even when a baby screams
the World is free, of worldly Pains.

[Derik]

I dont much care for repitition of The world should bleed, but theres really no other way to write it and still have the same impact. Good job on this one, even if i dont like repitition you really made this one work.

[lizmarienv]

I love repitition! I think it pulls the whole thing together very well. I could see this put to music.

[Jess1016]

This is a wonderfully dark poem. Its meaning is really strong. I love the concept of this, because the world really is a living creature of sorts, covered in parasites. Some of the parasites are good and use the worlds resourses respectfuly and live happy lives. But the others, like the ones you mentioned are the ones who hurt the earth, and violate its guidelines. The earth will always be in pain due to these souls. And deep down these souls are some of the purest, thier simply confused. The teen with a switchblade, the beaten wife all are good examples of clouded life. I dont know if that all makes sense...anyway great poem.

[Derik]

Awsoume concept and poem, Love it. Very good structure, even with the repitition in there. Overall i think you did an excellent job.

[RENA HANDS]

You should be consistent with "World" or "world" the format makes a difference in the delivery of the word.

The whole World should bleed
every time a man drinks
and hits his wife
The World should bleed this night
as she is extremely despaired
to hang onto life.

A possible change of words but the ideas are relatively the same...
I think also some additional insertions of semicolons and or commas would be appropriate.

[SomeThingCreepy]

i looooove this poem congrats, but i would have made pain plural to be pains as the last stanza to keep the rhyme scheme going

[shatteredsight]

Wow, thanks guys!
I haven't gotten on in a while, so I just saw all your comments.
thanks, I appreciate everything!

[Peppy]

Dark indeed. You could have gone on forever with this poem since the world is made up of problems and oh-so-hard-to-find solutions. The imagery was blunt enough to take effect as poetic prose. It's easy to understand and the imagery, I shouldn't say imagery, I should say pessimism, parasitic lifestyle.

The ending was mystious to me. I'm not really much religious, but from what I can grasp, I think it's about understanding and hope.

This is good. Nicely done.