[AnimeFreakGeek]

Why do you look at me
Like I am some kind of freak?
Why do you look at me
With judgmental eyes?

What is it you feel
Inside that heart of yours?
What is it you feel
When my dreams you kill?

How long does it take
Before you’ve had enough?
How long does it take
Till you let me be in peace?

Who should I be
To make you happy now?
Who should I be
Now in your cold eyes?

Where should I go
To find understanding?
Where should I go
Seeking what I long for?

When will I know
The peace I yearn for?
When will I know
I have found love?

Why do you look at me?
What is it you feel?
How long will it take?
Who should I be?
Where should I go?
When will I know?

All I want…
Is to be loved,
For who I am



Note: I am by no means a poet and I really do not think I am good at all, however, I do want to improve and that means putting stuff out- even if it means it get torn apart. So here it is.

[Lubesh]

With this judgmental eyes?

With judgemental eyes...maybe?

[Dark Kitten]

I went with Lubesh's suggestion when I edited your piece, though I feel you might also have been going for "With those judgemental eyes" so it's your call!
You are right that you do have room for improvement, things like rhythm, flow, construction and idea/plot development but all those can be learned by reading, observing and analysing other pieces....
What I like about this piece is that it asks so many questions, so many questions that we all have in our heads, many of them unasked and unanswered. We have all felt that feeling of being stared at because we are different in some way and therefore seemingly undeserving of their admiration or love.
I like this as an amateur piece and I think you have a lot of room to go up and all the skills necessary to get there with some hard work and a lot of reading!
Kudos,
~DK

[Rain]

I liked the what you were portraying with this poem. I however didn't find too much rythm or stability. It can improve, I saw a lot of potential. I didn't dislike it, I didn't love it either. But good job, I know you can improve it.

[jback]

For me it was ok. I like the meaning behind it, but felt like there was no form. It didnt really flow and felt like there was no flow and like the stanzas had no real place? The plot could have been developed more, but i did think the idea is there, but then again im no super writer so its just my opinions.

[dearest]

First, the positives. I really like the idea of this, the repeated questions give that feeling of being bombarded by life, etc, and overall gives the piece a nice feeling. I can see that you've also tried to use some form and structure (the repeating first and third lines, question in lines two and four, etc.), and you've got a good start, however, it's just going to take a little practice to get a feel for flow and rhythym within that structure. Don't give up, it gets easier every time. ^_^ Overall, great work.

[Venomous Vixen]

There is not much that has not been said here, the concept was awesome but you lost it a bit in the form and flow. This is worth fixing up though, I would love to see what you can do with it!

[Wordsmyth]

I pretty much agree with everyone else. I can understand that this is a type of free form(with a form of it's own) with no rhyming scheme. But, there still needs to be some kind of flow to make it enjoyable to read. Below are the stanzas I felt might need a little more work.

Why do you look at me
Like I am some kind of freak?
Why do you look at me
With judgmental eyes?


Who should I be
To make you happy now?
Who should I be
Now in your cold eyes?


When will I know
The peace I yearn for?
When will I know
I have found love?

If you notice in these stanzas, line number four is shorter than line number two. When I read them it makes me kind of stumble. They don't have to be the same syllable caount just somewher similar would make it flow a lot better.

Take the first stanza.

Why do you look at me
Like I am some kind of freak?
Why do you look at me
With judgmental eyes?

I saw in another reply something about 'those judgemental eyes' to me adding that one word would make that stanza more complete.

Why do you look at me
Like I am some kind of freak?
Why do you look at me
With those judgmental eyes?

Now let me point this out:

Why do you look at me?
What is it you feel?
How long will it take?
Who should I be?
Where should I go?
When will I know?

I love how you took the main question from each stanza to make this one. Excellent!!

All I want…
Is to be loved,
For who I am

And then you followed it up by answering those questions with one simple phrase. Well done!

I to think that this could be a really good peice with just a little fine tuning. Keep it up!!
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