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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 29-04-2008, 02:49 AM
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PicturePerfectBottledRage
 
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Crank it Up

I sleep to get away from myself.
Sleep relaxes me from things that haunt me.
I listen to music to escape,
crank it up and drown everything else out.
I watch TV to try and forget,
find something fake and replace it with the facts.
I read stories because it's neutral,
because it doesn't remind me of anything.
I take pills to ease the pain,
all the pain you caused me, yet you don't care.
I slowly fade to find the end,
creeping towards the last page of my life.
I look at a picture of you to die with,
you were the only one that ever made me happy.
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Last edited by Rain; 09-06-2008 at 03:31 PM.
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Old 29-04-2008, 03:23 AM
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Re: Crank it Up

I like this one. The repetition was done well. I like how you begin this with generalized stuff and slowly come to the point, your own and your beloved's feelings. Nicely done. You already know my detailed thoughts on this one.
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Old 29-04-2008, 03:29 AM
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Re: Crank it Up

I like the mix of real day to day items and solaces and the clutches of poetry as in 'last page....etc really raw emotions and very nciely layerd and listed. Hope to see lots more as you find your feet as i think you are doing.
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Old 29-04-2008, 04:49 AM
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Re: Crank it Up

Thanks Lu and Nup. I appreciate it
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Old 29-04-2008, 12:18 PM
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cheung shun sang is a regular around herecheung shun sang is a regular around herecheung shun sang is a regular around herecheung shun sang is a regular around here
Re: Crank it Up

I love sexe and cranking
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Old 29-04-2008, 12:23 PM
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Re: Crank it Up

good for you then. I should have chose a different title huh
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Old 14-05-2008, 01:11 PM
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Re: Crank it Up

It was good, the wanting to free yourself from the world from the mass deppression that is plagueing you.
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Old 09-06-2008, 03:32 PM
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Re: Crank it Up

Thanks Alex.

Made some hardcore edits on this one, puncuation wise, I read it and it almost pissed me off I disliked it so much... still hate my own ending lol. Thanks again guys for not ripping this shitty piece apart .
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Old 29-06-2008, 12:35 AM
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Re: Crank it Up

This is nice. Good build up and ending.

Somehow, I felt you should have ended with "I look at a picture of you to die with."

Just a thought.
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Old 08-07-2008, 10:30 PM
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Re: Crank it Up

This is sad, man, It truly belong to depression and despair. Nearly everything you wrote in the poem is true. If there a way to escape, it's done by inanimate things.

Your poem was a lovely read. It's sometimes good to read a sad poem when someone is sad. Today I will be with rain clouds. The ending was especially depressing, I can't believe people have touched another in a way he'she will never forget. So sad.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm...
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