[Rain]

Intwining thoughts race through my yearning brain,
so many things left for me to find,
Sanity, love, a reason live.

Spiraling down the drain I look for help,
I pray to a non responsive God,
Begging, please God, please.

Nausea strikes my empty stomach, too empty to vomit,
this twirling so uncontrollable,
Dizzy, sickening, I can't take it

Sitting by this window, while stormy rain hits it.
What did I do? Is my time up?
I'm confused, what happened?

People banging on the door, my lips are sealed shut.
Can't speak a word, can't tell them I'm in danger,
can't ask them... ask them to save me.

Friends and family absent, as I walk towards my death.
I can feel it now, I'm fading
I don't want to die, not now

Help, please help.

[Nupur]

This is very well written, Tay. You have a few spelling errors though. Also, Lu mentioned punctuation to you. I have been shying away from it because it is purely subjective, but it could greatly enhance the feel of the poem. For example this one could do with punctuation. Too much of it makes a disaster, but when used in moderation, it can really help the reader. Focusing on a certain thought becomes easier and you'll make the reader stop and assimilate it all. Here, you could put commas and full stops wherever you're going on to a new topic.

Intwining thoughts race through my yearning brain,

The comma would be good here. Also, I like the use of the word 'intwining'. It's a great way to begin a poem. That's one thing I noticed here. You're growing with every poem you pen down. You don't begin with prosaic 'I' or 'it' wherever you can help it. That's a good thing.

so many things left for me to find

You could end this one with a hyphen, semi colon or even a comma. Think about it.

Sanity, love, a reason live

A full stop after this would be good.

Spiraling down the drain I look for help,

Most of your thoughts are ending in the same line with almost no enjambment. You could use it as a form. Three line stanzas, first one ends in a comma, second with comma/hyphen/semicolon (I prefer comma or semi colon since hyphen won't go with all the lines. Your stanza with the question marks is obviously an exception.) and the third with a full stop.

I pray to a non responsive God

Begging, please God, please

Again, punctuation. Not going to mention it again. You need to look over all the stanzas in this regard. Ask if you have any questions or are in doubt.

Nausea strikes my empty stomach, to empty to vomat,

too

vomit

this twirling so uncontrolable

uncontrollable or incontrollable. Double 'l'.

Dizzy, stop it, feeling sick

This one sounds like "I'm dizzy, Stop it. I'm feeling sick." Though this has managed to bring out the frustration and the correct feeling, it doesn't really sound too good. How about something like 'Dizzy, sickening, stop it.' Or perhaps instead of using 'stop it' you could say about you not being able to take it anymore.

People banging on the door, my lips are sealed shut
Can't speak a word, can't tell them I'm in danger
Can't ask them... ask them to save me

Bit of a desperate quality here. And you have intensified it with your repetition. I don't particularly like the repetition, it's a little too much, but I love the tone it provides, preparing us for the finale.

Friends and family absent, as I walk towards death

The 'death' created a break in the flow for me the first time I read it. I would have preferred something like 'my death'. It flows more smoothly. But when I read it again, it kind of grew on me and increased the impact. Just giving you an idea here, use whatever you like best.

Can't reach the phone, wouldn't help anyway

The poem was going very well, but your use of 'phone' was a little superficial in light of good verse with such a great theme. It's not a problem, probably it's just me.

Apart from all that, I think this is very good. As I said, you're growing as a writer. Keep up the good work.

[Rain]

Changed them all, and changed my 'phone' line, hopefully it's a bit better.

[Alex]

I liked it, It gave a good image in my mind, probably not the one you meant to relay, but I have a creative mind. Good poem, I liked the way the words went together without really rhyming, though a poem never needs to rhyme, just flow.