[Alex]

part one

Your breathing rough, your sweat, it trickles.
The laughter inside slightly tickles.

It’s the fear of the alone,
The want of when you’re done,
that wills that you’ll stay there,
Without the fear that you’re here.

The wailing becomes louder,
As you know it’s getting closer
The blood inside your eyes,
It snaps, now you await our cries.

[Rain]

Very very well done Alex, I'm really glad I saw this. I only wish I saw awhile ago. You ekpt the flow nicely and rhyme pattern was pretty good. I'm glad to see you continue to write a bunch. One suggestion

"The laughter inside you slightly tickles."

Was 'you' supposed to be there? for some reason it doesn't quite fit, so maybe try and rephrase that line, but definitly keep 'tickles' as the last word because it was well chosen.

One thing about punctuation I suggest also, very tiny thing.

"As you know it’s getting closer"

Probably add a period at the end of that.

There were capitilization issues, but that will go away as you write and read more. I'm just now getting good with it and I have like 20 poems up. It'll fix itself fast. You really look like you could develop to a really really good writer, so I suggest(if you dont already) to go read a lot of poems, and kind of base yourself off of what some of the great poets do(Corneac, Vixen, Nupur, Lubesh, Vail ect ect ect.) with things like punctuation(which you did a great job with btw) capitilizatin, rhyming patterns, all that jazz. The little things are what you need to work on, just like everyone needs to work on, you already have that poetic touch. Good job, keep up the work.

[RENA HANDS]

I applaud the imagery…
Your breathing rough, your sweat, it trickles.
The laughter inside you slightly tickles.

I’m not an expert of punctuation or grammar, but I think some of your thoughts should not be capitalized…
That (that) wills that you’ll stay there,

What about saying…
The wailing amplifies ?

What about…
The wailing amplifies
‘It’ approaches

Regardless of my thoughts…well done. I look forward to the reamining parts. I will give 3/5!

[Alex]

Thank you.