[Alex]

part two

Chained and bruised,
Strapped to the wall,
You see your surroundings,
You scream and call.

You hope someone will hear you,
Yelling raspy and snapped.
This enraged and crazed killer,
The nut who now has cracked.

You hear a door slam and feel yourself cringe,
the footsteps echo, hear the squeaking of the hinge

The fear inside you rises,
What can you do now?
Wait for the death and torture,
You know it will come, but how.

[Nupur]

Nice work, Alex. I liked your descriptions of the chained man. The second person narrative added to the impact of the poem. However, I do have a few suggestions for you.

Strapped to the all,

Though 'all' is alright here, it's a bit ambiguous. May I suggest changing it to 'wall'? You rhyme scheme and syllable count remains intact and it adds to the image for me.

You hope someone will hear you,
Yelling raspy and cracked
This enraged and crazed killer,
The nut who now has snapped.

I like these descriptions, and they flowed very well till line three, after which, excuse me, the flow snapped. I loved your word selection 'raspy and cracked'. However, line four doesn't make much sense to me. 'The nut who has now snapped'. My suggestion to you would be to change the last word of line two and then replace your line four with 'The nut that has now cracked'. Lovely reference to the nut though.

It’s footsteps echo, hear the squeaking of the hinge

How about replacing this with 'the'? Seems to be better.

I liked your last stanza. The way you ended it is very good indeed. The question you asked is wonderful. It's the kind of thing that keeps he poem in the reader's mind long after he has left the page. Very good work on this one.

Please leave me a message when you're satisfied with it and I'll put it up.

[Alex]

Thank you, I corrected it.

[Rain]

Oh, nicely done Alex, I think you are starting to find your way. I REALLY like to see that you're making more Hide and Seek poems, because you're very good at Dark poetry, and this is a perfect concept for Dark poetry. End stanza was your best, and the question as Nup pointed out was a good touch. But I suggest puting a question mark there because it really puts the feel of a question. Good job, and I'm now off to read part 3.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[RENA HANDS]

What about…
Strapped, chained and bruised
I am a prison to the wall,
Observing (Seeing) my surroundings,
there are only my screams and abandoned (neglected) calls.

I understand by using ‘my,’ I change ‘You,’ but I felt a necessity to ask.

What about some condensation…
You hear a door slam and cringe (removing ‘feel yourself.’)
hollow* footsteps echo, (possibly describe the eeriness of the steps.)

What about…
Await death and torture,
You know it comes, but how (?) (I believe you are asking a question here.)

Again, these are only my thoughts, ignore if you choose, but I wanted to state my opinions/ideas. I just feel that some more stronger/poignant words should have been selected to illustrate the fear, hopelessness and near death…the point you write here. I will give 2/5!