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Old 17-06-2008, 02:51 AM
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Depression

Where
has the sun
gone?


It’s not in the part of the
sky I can see from the
depths of the hole
I’ve fallen
into.
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Old 17-06-2008, 02:56 AM
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Re: Depression

Whoa, this is completely different from you. It is simple in nature but speaks volumes. First, I enjoyed the shape very much. The round, orange shape the first three lines formed and then the downward, black 'void' the remainder filled. Very effective. Something about this was almost childlike, that feeling when you first realize there is more to life than sunshine and rainbows. That first tainted thought, where you have to face reality. Truly - I enjoyed this and you should wear short and powerful on more often, it's quite fitting
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Old 17-06-2008, 03:10 AM
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Re: Depression

Thanks much. I felt very Colin-esque.
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Old 17-06-2008, 03:59 AM
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Re: Depression

I had to come back because I just realized the title... depression, clever. Like a depression in the earth, a void, deep enough to lack the sunlight. Very, very nice ^.~
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Old 17-06-2008, 04:34 AM
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Re: Depression

Nice. You got it.
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Old 29-06-2008, 12:19 AM
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Re: Depression

I don't really have a liking for such type of poetry because frankly I don't see the poetry. For me it is just two sentences.

Having said that, I must definitely give you credit for influencing the reader with the clever split and font colour.
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Old 29-06-2008, 01:33 AM
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Re: Depression

I appreciate the comments, and I understand what you're saying. After two sentences, though, I just didn't have anything else to say.
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Old 30-06-2008, 12:33 AM
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Re: Depression

I understand when you say that you did not have anything else to say Happened to me a lot of times.
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Old 01-07-2008, 05:55 AM
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Re: Depression

The power of simplicity here... also suggestion to tug at those mind strings. Some of the most simple pieces can be very profound. It is all in where you take the reader. An analogy might be like one of those crazy simple looking puzzles made of a stick some string and a few rings.. simple in construction but the combination of elements and where you want them to go can be very complex all dependent on the point of view of the observer. Nice job to include the clever contrast in text as well to add even another dimension.
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:28 AM
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Re: Depression

Thanks so much everyone. (And MindsEye - your first post? I'm honored )
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:31 AM
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Re: Depression

My pleasure
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Old 15-10-2008, 08:57 AM
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Re: Depression

Wow. I was expecting something bigger, but I got something small. Damn, this is depressing. The way it's formed makes it more so. If it weren't for the form, it would have just been too simple to take any notice, but I'm glad your writer instincts kicked in.

So depressing to look at. Bejesus.
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Old 15-10-2008, 10:03 AM
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Re: Depression

Gaahhhh! Now I'm depressed! Clever double entendre, Jay. Short and sweet. Nice job.
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Old 16-10-2008, 03:57 AM
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Re: Depression

I enjoyed how short and sweet you did this, and it definitely gave feelings of depression. I also kinda liked the color choice and the stanza form with the centered and colored and all that good stuff.... nice stuff you have here Jay.
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Old 16-10-2008, 02:12 PM
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Re: Depression

To the point and therfore no holes...
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Old 16-10-2008, 03:26 PM
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Re: Depression

Thanks, all
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