[Venomous Vixen]

** Not one of my better pieces but ah sometimes writing just feels good! **

Take or break this mistaken ache -
dull it pounds, in deepened bounds
consumed, like a womb I feed,
bleed and need you.

Fish and wish this mistaken itch -
lost it breaks, in foamy wakes
drowned, like a tune at sea,
weak, it seeks you.

bring and fling this mistaken heart -
bruised it falls, in hollow stalls
shattered, like a picture frame,
shamed, it blames you.

And fish and wishes are lost in the tides,
riding with the shallow memories
at sea, I ache to feel you, like a womb -
consumed, I blame you.

[Lubesh]

Well that ddi soemhting for me...had it all and even 'rolling like the sea as it did. Love it when u do a less severe form and rhymes to boot...churning is another word sensation .very lovely.

[Vorcla]

This is less structured than some of your other poems, hun - kind of free flowing and loose. Pleasant, actually. Like Lu says - feels like the tide. Word choices and imagery very nice, as always. I liked it, personally.

[Venomous Vixen]

Hehe, it's funny here I got a 'less structured' and 'less severe' on the form and in reality I worked hard to get that one right. It's pretty complex, lines 1-4 mirroring one another in the first three stanzas, syllables and all... the good news is if you did not notices than it did not seemed forced Thank you both for your comments!

[Vorcla]

Sometimes ya gotta work hard to be effortless!

[Venomous Vixen]

Indeed ...

[Nupur]

I was going to type that this one couldn't have come easy, and then I read the other comments. Lovely form with great internal rhyme pattern, and at the same time very free flowing. Nicely threaded together by repetition of words and phrases. Something different from your usual stuff. The only problem I found with this was in these lines:

drowned, like a tune at sea,
weak, it seeks you.

This rhyme didn't really do it for me. It's like rhyming 'vision' and 'division' (which I'm guilty of doing ).

My favourite line from this is definitely "drowned, like a tune at sea". It conjured such a wonderful image and I was like..."wow!" Good work, Bri. Pleasure to see you trying out something different.

[Venomous Vixen]

Hmmm, I do see what you are saying about that line... just waking up but I will look it over and see what I can do later on. Thank you so much for reading, I missed reviews from you!