[king4adaze5]

In Hell I exhale,
Clinging onto life I stare,
Watching my hopes and dreams fail.

In Hell I exhale,
My chest sunken from despair,
A vessel grown weak and pale.

In Hell I exhale,
Bloodsoaked hands fold in prayer.
Crucified by rusty nail.

In Hell I exhale,
Cry for help? I do not dare.
I'll die alone on this trail.

In Hell I exhale
One last painful breath of air,
As lungs collapse from death's smell.

In Hell I exhale
My burdens I cannot bear.
So I conclude this, my dying tale.

*** Author's note ***
I started this poem a little over a year ago, and just found it on a memory card the other day. I decided to finish it, and this is the end result.

[Lubesh]

Another thing....is vassel...vessel?

And glad to see this finsihed and how about some more stufflol

[RENA HANDS]

Exquisite…

In Hell I exhale,
Bloodsoaked hands fold in prayer.
Crucified by rusty nail.

A question also…Bloodsoaked hands (folded) in prayer. Should not ‘folded’ ended like ‘crucified?’

Either way, your imagery remains picturesque on so many levels…

I rate 5/5!

[PaulJJ]

Hey King, this is the first of your work I have read and im impressed. I like the In hell I exhale part. very dark, I feel that there is some lost hope, he is reaching out hoping to grab hold of something...it grabbed me.

great work!

[Wordsmyth]

Great job King! I really love the paly on words there, very creative.

[psycosis]

King.....first time I have read your stuff....I liked the imagination....didnt flow right to me but you made up for it in your word choices.....good job

[Maylar]

This is a strong, painful and dark (all that I love in poems) and with Apocalyptica’s “Pandemonium” in the background, was very darkly pleasurable experience for me.

[Rain]

Very dark, and I particularly liked the line "Bloodsoaked hands fold in prayer" very captivating... I enjoyed the rhyme scheme... it seemed to flow pretty good throughout the whole poem... good stuff.