[Blink]

Creations I built have faded,
Became washed up and hated.
Deception, you played it,
Deceivingly I was baited.
You’re so fucking jaded,
You’re so fucking overrated!
My life now tainted,
Picture of hate painted.
Stripped and naked,
Used up, outdated,
Dirty and traded,
The exit has been gated.
I’ve seen it, I’ve waited,
You’re so fucking overrated!

[dearest]

First of all, great job. I love the flow of this. In some circumstances the rhymey-ness of the repeated 'ed' ending would sound trite, but here I think it works. The meter it lends this piece makes it feel very rhythmic, almost musical. Very well done.

[Blink]

Thank you.

[RENA HANDS]

You have some serious potent imagery here. Not only did you illustrate effective mental imagery. You conveyed the emotions that instigated them passionately.

[superpararanger]

that was pretty awesome. the rhyming was great and the flow was pretty sweet too. nice

[Vorcla]

Almost has the rhythmic feel of a rap. I agree that it has good flow; nice job.

One thing I'd watch is that you don't fall into the high schoolish "Look-at-me-I'm-using-dirty-words!" trap. Two of your three poems center around the word "fuck." I'm not offended by it at all, and use it myself in my stories - but sparingly. It's not shocking anymore, and it can become tiresome if overused. I really like your "Bell Rings," and you eschewed the profanity there.

Just an observation...

[Venomous Vixen]

The rhyme/near rhyme definitely breathed life into the piece, setting a rhythm and flow for the reader. I remember when I first joined the site I wrote a piece that was about the same number of lines, all ending in rhyme and Corneac commented that was a feat and most people come out sounding like a poor attempt at being a rapper, and he's right. But you have also accomplished that and in much shorter lines! Now beyond the actual format, the emotion here also smacks you in the face - in a good way, or moreso, in a very powerful way. This drips with hatred, anger, maybe even a little shame and regret. To make the reader feel in such a short piece is another feat you met very well. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

[Peppy]

Yeah, a powerful voice. I thoroughly enjoyed the voice in the piece. For such a short piece this has a strong effect to play the mean bone. Boo, boo, baa. Or however the mean bone sounds.

Liked the rhyming words. I thought it would end up being cheesy as hell, but I'm totally wrong. If it didn't have it, it'd probably sound like rambling and hate and recollecting.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...good read. Good, good.

[Nupur]

I think this is the first time that I am reading something by you, and yes, according to me, you are good. I like your play on words, your rhymes. It is difficult to rhyme and to rhyme every damn line of a poems no mean feat. Have to give you kudos for that. What I truly liked about this is that you did not force the rhymes. Like someone mentioned, you used 'near rhymes'. Generally people try very hard to find exact rhyming words and end up writing their lines after thinking of the word they are going to end it with. This leads to forced rhyming and the poem being built around rhymes rather than just using them to beautify language. You have definitely used an excess of rhymes, but your inclination towards 'near rhyming' instead of forced rhyming speaks volumes about your skills.

This poem has got a powerful voice. Your narration is excellent. I was completey drawn in by your beginning:

Creations I built have faded,
Became washed up and hated.

This is a lovely way to start and introduce the kind of voice you have used throughout. There's anger and frustration that has come out impeccably.

However, I do agree with Vorcla about the 'fuck' thingy. I personally don't give a fuck to using such words; I use them quite a lot while talking to people, but with poetry or writing in general, constant abuses can definitely get tiresome, if not on your nerves. Here I think it lends itself well to the piece and you have used it well. But I would still advise you to be a little more careful about these things.

Overall, I like it. Your poetic skills are definitely not overrated.