[Venomous Vixen]

Knock Knock
Incessant pounding against my skull
Painfully wracking my brain
Cracking the mold

Knock Knock
Relentless ripping of my thoughts
Leaving my mind in tatters
Naked and exposed

Knock Knock
Screaming inside, crying to break free
Festering beneath the surface
Infecting my being

Knock... make it stop
Knock... unforgiving sound
Knock...
Knock...

Opening a door to my soul
Pouring, growing, flowing
Thoughts transform into words
Knock Knock

Sweet release

[Jess1016]

I'm not totally sure what the meaning for this work is, but maybe thats the purpose. I really like the imagry that you create with the audible noises. I can almost fell the knocking against my skull. the beat of the work is really unique. I also really like the idea of it, the idea of an insessent disturbance that tears the very fabric of ones mind, and maybe that knock isnt real but simply a worry or a concern that tares at your guts and makes all other thought possible. i think you really captured that.

[Lubesh]

At first i thought..we have athread for this..lol But,it was no joke and again u have tried and come up trumps with something!

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both

[Eadha Deora]

intense piece again, Bri! I think you are so creative with experimenting and trying new things.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks Jenn XO

[Vorcla]

Man, Bri, you really have a way of putting things together! Your construction is flawless. Emotionally, this one is a bit edgier than others I've read, but just as good in its own way. Very visceral.

I wish I could do this!

Rick

[Venomous Vixen]

Wow, I have not looked at this one in a little while now. Funny when you look back after some time you can read it as if you were not the one who wrote it and really judge it.

I think at the time of writing this I was filled with a lot, pent up and then found my pen and paper and, well, hence the sweet release. I had fun with the format here, for a brief time I was playing with sounds and text changes. I like it actually, the effect it has.

You know, I bet you could do this. Seriously, you have it in you. I am sure of it. Would love to see you try!

[Maud]

Its been so wrong since I reviewed something, so forgive me if I am rusty.

The first thing I noticed, was the choice between bold and italic type. So I took the bold to mean emphasis when I read it. With the italicized portion and the bold you did get the definite transition of the knocking, but with evey thing else without punctuation or break it went all to fast. Your rhythm did not fit your meaning and words.

The content potion of your poem left me disappointed. It was all to rushed with the flow good, but as I said rhythm was displeasing. I didn't feel comfortable reading it, it was forced and artificial. You could have used more punctuation and shorter segments to build rhythm, or increasing longer segments with increasingly less punctuation to build momentum, or a mix of the two build both momentum and rythem. You did neither.

Yet the "..." to support your use of repitition. The thought patter after each "Knock..." makes a action reaction type feeling, which was quite effective. There is two knocks however that are left blank, which were disappointing, because this was another prime opportunity to build momentum. Diction, rhythm, and syntax should have become more simple and frustrated so that a more definite and dramatic climax could exist. The sweet release line would have been more effective as it would bring us down after that high.

I like this entrapment of your thought process as you write. It seems though that it seems less frantic and more static. You build such a great foundation, repition of knock, contrasting font usage breaks through punctuation. But these little asides in the first couple stanzas are such poison. When ever you do an aside or a reaction in a poem or story to something happening in your poem or story, you start over. You take the reader out of the environment and begin building a new one for them. This simply doesn't work here. You try to build tension, but then let us hide in these reactions. Don't give us an out, make us need to continue.

I know I have been critical, a rare thing on this site, so let me say I did enjoy this poem, but next time, read the words without thought of their meaning so you can just examine the sound of your work, and you will have some phenomenal stuff! Remember poetry's beauty is not in the words you use but how you use them