[nobodylaiceps]

You play, I stay...
Behind.
You love, I try.
But, in the end...
I hate, and I cry.
You walk, I rest...
My head.
You do; I try my best.
I will sleep,
And dream. While...
My emotions are predictable and cheap.

Revision 1. :
You play, I stay...
Behind.
You love, I try.
But, in the end...
I hate, and I cry.
You walk, I rest...
My head.
You do; I try my best.
I will sleep,
And dream. While...
Emotions, predictable and cheap.

Revision 2. :
You play, I stay...
Behind.

You love, I try.
But, in the end...
I hate, and I cry.

You walk, I rest...
My head.
You do; I try my best.

I dream, while asleep.
Emotions,
Predictable and cheap.

[Vail]

Very short piece... I know you were going for free form, but your set-up and the brevity of the work really made this one lend itself to a pattern that you created in the first four lines. After that you confuse the pattern you set-up by putting two lines in a row in the same pattern as your first and third. I think this one would be a little better if you threw a little more form into it. As far as the content goes, I appreciate it greatly. While a little over-used.. you still manage to give it a personal touch... That personal touch is what defines you as a writer... and it's something you will never lose, no matter how much better you get a writing... I enjoyed that little signature flair, and your last two lines were not disappointing to me at all.. I actually recommend you reconstruct a better poem built around those two lines... Anyhow.. decent write. Thanks for sharing.

[kelpiewarrior]

Umm . . . . it's not a bad poem per say, but it feels half-done and effortless to me, maybe you could add more length to each line?