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12-01-2008, 04:55 PM
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Sugar Rush
Sugar rush, pulsing though my veins Happiness and insanity are uncontrollable It makes me want to dance outside when it rains Sugar rush, I'm on cloud number seven Floating and fluttering in my own crazy world It's like I've never been anywhere but heaven Sugar rush, leaves my cheeks all a red From all of my continual dancing and rambling Everyone's laughter is stuck inside of my head Sugar rush, you don't follow me to bed My happiness only fools the world I wish it fooled me instead.
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"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron Last edited by Lubesh; 14-01-2008 at 07:33 AM. Reason: correction 
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13-01-2008, 01:25 PM
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Re: Sugar Rush
haha, thanks lubesh. does the last stanza work though?
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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15-01-2008, 05:49 AM
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Re: Sugar Rush
I really love the simple words and imagery you've used it makes the poem feel light and youthful! I know it's cliche but the words really do seem to dance around the page! lol
The simple rhyme and structure are really nice as well, making a really easy read. And on top of that the symetrical layout you've got going down kicks ass! It visually and physically opens and finishes the piece. I thought this poem was about a certain pleasuarable feeling  (god help if i've read rad it wrong!)The last verse did puzzle me a bit though...but it's not a bad thing, the whole thing is wholely open to interpretation anyway. Lovely poem, keep writing jaziz
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"We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely." - Wilde
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15-01-2008, 06:19 AM
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Re: Sugar Rush
Wow, great images. The repetition and word selection actually almost mimicked the feeling of a rush and being a bit spastic! The last stanza was, well, a bit sobering. Great way to end it, making it more than just a cute little ramble but something deeper and more real. I am glad I stumbled on this one, very nice work, and the form was flawless!
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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15-01-2008, 08:17 AM
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Re: Sugar Rush
thanks guys! it's great to get good feedback. it's only makes me more inspired to write... and comment other's poetry. lol
anything suck? besides the maybe the last stanza kind of sobering it up? was it too harsh? the last stanza?
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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15-01-2008, 08:18 AM
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Re: Sugar Rush
Personally the last stanza is what made the piece for me, then again I am a bit of a cynic and have realized reality often smashes things like sugar rushes and memories
 But I would say leave it as is.
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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15-01-2008, 08:51 AM
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Re: Sugar Rush
sweet! VV, you just like made my day.
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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