[SeaN]

Can I show you who I am?
Please, can I show you?

Maybe in the darkness
over coffee.

If I open up my mind
will you take it forcefully?

Just out of reach
you're in my grasp.


If I wanted you for
who you are
or who you were...
would you one day
change
on cue
and break me down again?


For few have seen me, really.
Few have watched me after dark.

Two have seen me fall,
though only one has left her mark.


Now you're asking me
to sit across the table
over a steaming mug
of fallacy.
Asking me if I might like
to chat about the darkness.


The problem is,
I think I might.
Though I know
I'd rather write
about your face
and smile still...

Your problem is
yes, I will.

['Ginnis]

I liked this a lot. Even the way you staggard your stanzas had characterization of the speaker of the poem, it was a great reflection of actual emotion. Well done SeaN, very well done.

[SeaN]

Thanks very much Kara

[Phonoho]

Why was this posted in General? I've been at that table many times, full of caffine fueled longing, tempered with an aching hesitancy to commit. It's frightening, because once you step on, it takes you away and maybe ends at a bus station in the middle of...somewhere.

to chat about the darkness.

I'm thinking this is a metaphor for something more primal than mere verbal discourse.

I may be reading this wrong but I see a timid courtship with undertones of something else, a cautionary note of sorts; a warning that goods percieved may be more damaged than they appear. There's drama here, but also a desperate hope.

[SeaN]

Phono thanks for the insight- I always enjoy hearing your opinion on poetry (especially when its mine though!). 'Bus stop in the middle of somewhere' ... I like that.

As for the genera- I typically have trouble choosing where to post, as the ideas involved are usually too complex and synthetic to cubbyhole under a particular heading. General is my default.

Thanks very much for the comments! Much appreciated.

[Venomous Vixen]

I absolutely love this SeaN. Something I have come to love about your work is the realness of it. It is like a smack in the face, the things we all think but never record, it is gutsy. I think there is even more deep down in this one than I have gotten to yet, but I will continue dissecting Oh and as far as a category goes, this strikes me as human nature, the nature of love and lust, of casual meetings and something more. The end was the kicker for me, the safety in only writing about her, and unless I got the end wrong, the threat of doing more. I better never see something this good up in the bad poetry thread again! (could reach all the way across the US and backhand you for that!)

**edit** oh right, I also meant to mention that you may consider a comma after the please in your second line. I seemed to naturally pause there so that is what prompted the suggestion.

[SeaN]

Thanks Bri! I'm glad you liked it. Point taken on the comma. Human nature! Yes, why didn't I think of that?

[Vorcla]

Nicely done, SeaN. I think a lot of people have been in that place. It's almost a universal theme, and I think everybody can take something away from it. There's sort of a suspense in the background - "the dark." Something almost sinister about it. Makes you want to look over your shoulder!

Rick

[SeaN]

hey Rick- thanks for the comment man. Glad you felt you could relate to it! I think the very mention of 'coffee' has that effect on many people, but who knows. Thanks again.