[kelpiewarrior]

Stay out of my head!
Stop interrupting my thoughts!
Don't be the only one I think about
When nobody's around!
Stay out of my heart,
You're causing me pain
That falls upon my heart
Like ice-cold rain!
Stop being the one I want,
When you don't want me back
Or else I'll run away from you,
And never come back.

[Nupur]

Hi kelpiewarrior,

You poem is pretty good, pretty angry actually. Just a little edit:

When nobodies around!

I think you meant 'when nobody is around'

The proper way to put it would be

When nobody's around!

Also, you need to correct the typo:

Stop interrutping my thoughts!

Another little thing:

Like ice cold rain!

A hyphen between ice and old would be good.

Good work on this one!

[kelpiewarrior]

Thank you Nupur-sensei.

[RENA HANDS]

You started extremely strong so why not keep with it?

Stay out of my head(!)
Stop interrupting my thoughts(!)
Don’t be the (ONE) I think about
When nobody’s around(!)
(Depart from) my heart,
You cause great pains
That stabs deep into my skin or (That pierces my skin)
Like freezing (drizzling) rain(!)

*I assume you are keeping with a particular rhyme, many apologies but I can’t think of more…However, I will state

Cease, to be the ONE(!)
You don’t want me
I shall run from you,
And never look back(!)

I thought the imagery was extremely powerful, but your words were a bit lacking and repeating. Though you are ‘keeping’ with rhyme I think other synonyms would have been more appropriate.

[Peppy]

A little outburst. Hahaha. Blunt and to the subject. No pretty words, just emotion. Felt emotion for the reader to feel.

That's all I have to say. I'll say this: Some people, right?

[Rain]

I love things like this. Angry... and I damn sure know the feeling. It was almost something I would say. Nice job.