MemberPanel

ourSponsors

Google
   


Notices


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 18-08-2008, 11:03 PM
Corneac's Avatar
Amateur Kid Poet
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,133
Total Points: 417,668.76
Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!
Send a message via MSN to Corneac
On my days off

On my days off
noon passes without lunch,
and I fall in love with painters,
skin like canvas,
fingertips like fine horse hair brushes,
and touch that stains-
you can feel rust in your movements
the familiarity of love,

bohemians rush to cafes
and dream of cigarettes,
and buskers strum endlessly
plucks that never ends,

and I pluck hours from your company
that pass, like falling notes,
settle on our bodies,
sweetness, that echoes, echoes,

seconds come, nothing done,
and life doesn’t seem to mind,
like a constant song
of instrumentalism,
We play, on and on.
__________________
I like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction,
Underdogs with good intentions
Amputees with stamp collections

-So Nice, So Smart
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 27-10-2008, 03:26 AM
Vince's Avatar
Head full of gold
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Athens, Greece
Posts: 877
Total Points: 29,375.43
Vince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary memberVince is an Honorary member
Send a message via MSN to Vince
Re: On my days off

Nice piece chris. Beuatifu lpainted images, and I love the fact that, imo, it alternates between being a narrative and having a neoromantic tone. It also reminded me Lou Reed's "Perfect Day". Again nicely done.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 27-10-2008, 03:37 AM
Rain's Avatar
PicturePerfectBottledRage
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 866
Total Points: 8,988.56
Rain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary memberRain is an Honorary member
Send a message via AIM to Rain Send a message via Yahoo to Rain
Re: On my days off

Hey Chris, I remember in another piece you ended with a comma as well, and I wrote a giant description of why I liked it, it felt as if it wasn't over,like the poem was to be continued, you hadn't spoken your full mind yet, and I enjoyed that. With this, it doesn't quite work for me, it seemed like that last line was a good finish, and the comma brings a sense uncertainty. Other then that, it was classic Chris, with your poetic speech and your beautiful words... nice one.
__________________
In the face of change,
That's when she turned to me and said,
"I'm not sure anymore..."

Everchanging...
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 30-10-2008, 05:04 PM
Corneac's Avatar
Amateur Kid Poet
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,133
Total Points: 417,668.76
Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!
Send a message via MSN to Corneac
Re: On my days off

Thanks. I have to stop ending my poems in a comma, it's a habit? I tend to do it with msot of them, by accident. Thanks so much for your comments guys. Really appreciate it!

Fixed Rain!
__________________
I like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction,
Underdogs with good intentions
Amputees with stamp collections

-So Nice, So Smart
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT +9. The time now is 05:42 AM. vBulletin Skin by ForumMonkeys. Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
Advertisement System V2.1 By   Branden
Copyright © 1999 - 2008, StoriesMania.Net


Love Systems | The Attraction Forums | Savoy

Mobile Phone | Loans | Loans | Loans | Mortgages