[Venomous Vixen]

It stands,
like the lone soldier after war,
hollowed and haunted-
Alone
it stands,

It lives,
like the barren tree after winter,
tangled and tattered-
Barren
it lives,

It aches,
like the ghost of the limb once there,
absent and missing-
Ghostly
it aches.

My pain,
after the trials of a battle,
alone it stands,

My soul,
after the treachery of the season,
barren it lives,

My heart,
after the breaking of its whole,
ghostly it aches,

As I stand here
I live,
alone,
barren,
ghostly

...without you

[Lubesh]

I like this much better, it is stronger than previous... one thing

My heart,
after the breaking of it whole..its?

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks Lu, I have changed that... I am actually not sure about that line altogether lol but I will see if I can't think up a replacement in time.

[Vorcla]

Nice. You have a way of getting to the point. The way you use parallelism makes your poetry easy to read.

This one hit home because it's "been there, done that" for me. Probably is for everyone; it's a universal theme.

I kinda felt the way I do after I listen to "Desperado" by the Eagles - a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye!

[Venomous Vixen]

I thought this one may come across as the loss of a lover or a heartbreak... after reading through again I can completely see that. That is one thing I love about poetry, it is open enough to allow each reader to relate it to something of their own.

Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate you going back through my poetry. And, even better, you like it!

[Vorcla]

What's not to like? It's GREAT! I think some people have "the gift," and others have to work for it. You obviously have "the gift."

Your poetry, I think, just flows out of you. That's the best way. When I write a story, everything's up there in my head - every word, from beginning to end, every description, every snippet of dialogue. It's like I'm channeling somebody, like I'm taking dictation. The words come spilling out. It's just a matter of getting it on paper (or the monitor screen) - and finding the time to do it. It flows. That's not to say it's perfect; I do have go back and edit. But my point is, it comes out WHOLE. The kernel of what I want it to be is there, and I can fine-tune it later as I go along..

I could be wrong, but I think that's how it is with you and your poetry. The gist of what you want to say is there; it comes out whole. The feeling, the emotion, is raw and real.

In some ways I think I have it easier. I can hide behind my characters. You, however, lay it out there - your soul, your emotions, who you are.

That would scare me!

[Fumus]

Please hand me a sword to fall on, or a rope to hang myself or something. Very sad, I can totally feel the pain in the poem. My only question is, VV...who was the jerk that put you through the emotional pain that inspired you to write this?

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you again Rick You are really too kind.

Fumus, hehe I think everyone got the wrong meaning in this poem. It was not about a love affair gone bad, it was about the loss of a loved one who passed away. Actually, Corneac read one of my previous poems about her aloud to me and it brought a flood of memories back, and this was how I was feeling. So, no broken heart from a guy anyway

Hope you enjoyed.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

Thank you again Rick You are really too kind.

Fumus, hehe I think everyone got the wrong meaning in this poem. It was not about a love affair gone bad, it was about the loss of a loved one who passed away. Actually, Corneac read one of my previous poems about her aloud to me and it brought a flood of memories back, and this was how I was feeling. So, no broken heart from a guy anyway

Hope you enjoyed.

Hmmmmmmm. Puts things in a whole new light. Makes it even better.

It's a guy thing, I guess. We need to step outside the box and look at it from a different angle. A guy automatically assumes a certain viewpoint - probably because most of us have been on the receiving end at least once or twice!

[Venomous Vixen]

Haha yes, assumptions can get you into trouble!

[Fumus]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

Thank you again Rick You are really too kind.

Fumus, hehe I think everyone got the wrong meaning in this poem. It was not about a love affair gone bad, it was about the loss of a loved one who passed away. Actually, Corneac read one of my previous poems about her aloud to me and it brought a flood of memories back, and this was how I was feeling. So, no broken heart from a guy anyway

Hope you enjoyed.

Hmm...well if you have read anything I've written I guess you can sorta see the way I think...lolz..

Yea vorcla is right, I need to think outside the box a bit, I'm no scholar but I do know that many works can have multiple meanings...even ones the author didn't intend. So writers beware!

Take a look...

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/cb42fb0fc4

[Venomous Vixen]

I have gone back and read one of your stories, and yes, I can see where your head was at. Outside the box boys lol. Thank you both for reading again.

[Wordsmyth]

First off, you probably know what I was thinking when I read this...yep inside the box.

But understanding now that it's about the death of someone you cared for makes it all the more powerful. Heartbreak is one thing, but knowing that you'll never see that person again is a different kind of heartbreak in itself.

I love this one and am putting it on my VV top 10.

What's not to like? It's GREAT! I think some people have "the gift," and others have to work for it. You obviously have "the gift."

I couldn't have put it better myself. You ARE gifted!!

[Venomous Vixen]

Wow Mike, thank you very much!!

[AnimeFreakGeek]

From someone who has always struggled writing poetry, I do enjoy reading it... and this was a very good read. It flowed well, the symbolism and comparrisons were nicely done. Good job! ^_^

[Alex]

I like how you described her as the "It." She was described as her soul, her heart, and her pain. She stood there living and aching as well.

[Rain]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

It stands,
like the lone soldier after war,
hollowed and haunted-
Alone
it stands,

That part puts images in my head. You did a good job of that with nearly every part. Good job