StoriesMania - short stories, poems, essays, scripts and online fiction
»
Take You With Me
| Notices |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools | Rate Thread | Display Modes |
24-04-2008, 02:33 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Take You With Me
The pain in my sides
I wish I could laugh Bleeding in my eyes I cannot live today Sitting here alone I waste the day away No one here with me I have no more fear Standing on the celing Lying on the shelf My head is somewhere else And mind doesn't exist If I could die right now I would fear for you I wish that I could Take you with me
__________________
Adam: Let's pillage! Tory: I don't know if that's legal in California. -Adam and Tory from Mythbusters Last edited by Eva Marie; 26-04-2008 at 02:21 AM. 
|
| Sponsored Links |
|
11-08-2008, 11:53 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Take You With Me
I like this. Maybe a bit of punctuation would help with the flow of it though. Although I cant really talk, I am horrible at it
 . also I m not so sure on this line... And mind doesn't exist. I think if you were to word it a little different it would work better. Anyways-good work.
__________________
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon. Joel: I know. Clementine: What do we do? Joel: Enjoy it.
|
|
13-08-2008, 11:38 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Re: Take You With Me
Man, that was good!
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering... 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000 - TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!  Comp/Challenges FFFC CFPC 1000-Word Challenge Limerick ToTM EMWE GQC
|
|
05-10-2008, 09:24 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Take You With Me
Quote:
i love it. i know how that shit feels. nice job
|
|
| Bookmarks |
| Tags |
| None |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | Rate This Thread |
|
|
Linear Mode
