[Ravane]

I thought you were nice,
But you proved me wrong.
Your heart's made of ice,
So, I did not write a song.

This is a poem,
So I can rant about you.
Like a totem,
An ugly sculpture in lieu.

I tried to look past your mistakes,
But you made too many.
Your hearts were fakes.
My heart, a ferry.

And when you shattered it,
I did not do a thing.
I could not admit,
That my heart couldn't sing.

And I still followed you,
Though you fooled me.
But You would rue,
That I was free.

After that,
No one came,
Near you,
My dame.

And when you realized,
That I was gone.
Your heart lysed,
And I had won.

[Nupur]

But you made to many.

Should be 'too'.

that I was gone.

There's nothing wrong with this, but I think you were trying to capitalize the beginning of every line. Missed this?

Good poem, and I love the use of the word 'lysed' here. Brilliant usage. Nice thoughts and you've conveyed them very well.

[CryCandice]

i don't know about this one.
good idea, but it's sort of lifeless and flowless.

try to get more description and try to keep the same rhyme tempo.

you have good vocabulary, use it to your advantage.
otherwise, the thoughts shown in this are fairly well expressed.

[Corneac]

This is nice Ravane...some killer lines in there...and it's obviou that you have a good grasp on the english language and a good vocabualry, and a good way of expressing your self - the message is crystal clear. But I still think it's lacking in places - I think you should scrap the rhyming, it doesn't flatter your poem, and although you use it effectively in places, it's seems forced in places and adds a factor of cliche to your poem.

Like a totem,
An ugly sculpture in lieu.

I liked the use of "lieu"...well done mate. Great job!

[Rain]

Well done, Ravane. I am gonna go ahead and agree with everybody here. I like your word choice, as Chris said. It did seem flowless at points, as Candice said. But I did not think ti seemed lifeless, it seemed to have emotion in it, when I was reading it the 1st time it didnt seem like it. But I think things were a little enhanced the second time, it seemed to me as if you were reading it, you were reading out loud almost in a conversation with a friend, and with rhymes, which I enjoyed very much. Good job Ravane.