[Rain]

There is no way
I'll survive without you,
No way whatsoever
you don't even have a clue.

You're the light
that leads me from the black,
I love you so much
it sends shivers up my back.

You don't understand
what you mean to me,
I don't understand
what you mean to me.

I've been happy
since the moment we met.
I am sad
since I don't have you... yet.

Your voice
is the only thing I hear,
You... just you
I want you so my dear!

How I feel
I wish you knew,
How I feel
...what should I do?

*not sure about it, just kinda venting a little through writing I guess*

[Phonoho]

Hey, at least you're getting it out there. Keep doing that, and once you've run out of ways to say it, say it again, but louder and with biting terms that chill the bone. It'll take a while, but eventually you'll become dissatisfied the timid words that come easily, and then begin to search for and to employ those which hold more sway over your reader's emotions.

[Peppy]

Pretty good poem you have there, Rain. Inoticed your rhyming scheme in this poem and it got me wondering, you should try writing songs. It's actually quite fun and pissing to write a song.

But you do need some practise(this coming from a guy who can't make poetry himself). Poems need a good format, like making the words more attractive to look at. I think the bolding on the words kind of makes this look chunky. Italics would have just worked fine alone. Did you see how it looks centred?

Anyway, this is pretty good poem, I used to relate but I discovered she's lesbian. Haha.

[Syrah]

I have to say.. I thought this piece was good as lyrics as is. The idea is clearly stated (something that lyrics tend to do instead of hiding behind metaphoric veils of beauty that poetry does). There is a definite rhythm to this piece. I do admit, if this piece was transposed into song form, a word or two may be changed and/or a line or two added in. But as an overall I rather enjoyed it. I know this is meant to be about someone else but what I see it as is the tease dance we have with ourselves. Our self-worth.... that part of ourselves that everybody loves about us but cannot point out and we cannot see without great allowance within ourselves. Very nice, indeed.

[PaulJJ]

Really nice read. Your poems are so full of emotion. always a pleasue to read.