[DarkPower]

If I was once your queen,
I have fallen down.
I have failed you
and have lost the crown.

Tears do not show,
the way that I feel
The light is so bright,
makes all seem unreal.

There is pain inside,
and it will not go away;
I do not know why,
with me it does stay.

Was there something I did,
something so greatly wrong?
Did I make all feel
that I was truly this strong?

The pain in my head,
my neck,
and my chest,
It tells me to lay down;
quietly, to rest.

But I fear if I do,
I will not pass this test
So I try to keep on
Not stop for a breath...

...Your queen has failed and goes to her death

This is really good DP, I thought it had a good rhythm throughout. just a few things

The light is so bright,
makes all seem unreal.

'Makes it all seem unreal' or 'it makes it all seem unreal'

Is it supposed to be 'quietly' not 'quiety'?

ANd I'm not sure about

Did I make you feel
to someone else you belong?

but thats just me....

other than those little things, it's a good one

[DarkPower]

ah well this is an old one that I went back and edited.. obviously didnt finish but at least the formatting is better than it was. that second line you mentioned went with another line that I took out but I didnt know what to replace this one with so I just left it until later. Thank you though

.... ah well i did the editing and changed the second line you addressed.

[Storiesmaniac]

good peice, not as strong as some of your other ones, but as you already know im a fan of your work, magic imagination...great work

[BlackOrchid918]

I enjoyed it...kind of made me think of Marie Antoinette for some reason. In any case, I really love how she tries to keep going on without stopping despite this pain in her life...sign of a true Queen, crown or no.

[dearest]

I agree, I was thinking Marie Antoinette. This was a lovely piece. Flow was great and you created some beautiful images. Just one small thing (and I know you said this was an old one, so I completely understand):

that I was truly this stong?

Did you mean strong? Alright, that's about it. Wonderful piece!

[DarkPower]

thank you blackorchird and fire insurance. Marie Antoinette? lol I suppose that is very fitting. Thank you both

and I changed that little typo thanks