[SeaN]

And what I've got to lose
is what you've got to gain.
And I'll give you the pieces
if you ease the pain.
You know what to do
but I ask in vain...
So apart we shall remain

I'm sorry girl. Sorry for every time I made
you cry. But you know that. I'm sorry for
every time I fell. For everything left undone.
For every time you said you loved me-
when you didn't. I'm sorry for every
smile you ever gave me. For every
wasted kiss. I'm sorry you ever met me

And what I've got to prove
is what you'll never see.
And I gave you my all,
so you took it from me.
But I just didn't have
what you needed from me.
You broke me repeatedly

I hope you're happy girl. I hope you are so
happy. I hope you finished school and found
someone who is amazing. I hope you are
deeply in love- and that he loves you. I
hope your eyes still sparkle. I hope your
smile still lights up the room. I hope you
have forgotten about me. I hope you got
rid of that silly ring. Hope you moved on

And what's dragging me down
is what you control.
You gave me your body
but never your soul.
And over the years
its taken its toll,
to remember the love I once stole.




To J

even though
you'll never know...
still it is so

[Corneac]

Hmm...nice NYU. Keep up your participation and put this up. A little punctuation on the bolded bit wouldn't go astray though.

[SeaN]

Thanks for the advice Corneac; I have taken it. You are right, the lack of punctuation in the bold bit took away from the readability.

[Corneac]

I changed whats to what's and your to you're.

Really liked this one mate. Nicely written, interesting form, good rhythm. Great poem. Quite heart-wrenching stuff.

[Ryankia]

Wow Sean. Heart breaking in so many ways, yet an opening to move beyond. Wonderful delivery and projection.

And over the years
its taken its toll.
To remember the love I once stole.

For some reason, I feel that the period after "toll" should be a comma followed by a comma after "love" - but that is just me and how I am reading it.

[Gurdit]

I thought you said you didn't write poetry, Sean, or that you weren't very good at it?
Well, you're wrong. This is heart-breaking mostly because of its brutal honesty, and that's what I love about it more than anything else.

These would make awesome lyrics.

[SeaN]

thanks very much for the comments! Ry I think you're right, at least about the first comma. Thanks for the advice!

I don't even like reading this one anymore- it's kind of hopelessly sappy but at the same time makes me sad each time I read it. Glad the two of you liked it though!

[Wordsmyth]

Really good. I can feel this one, it has a lot of power and emotion in there. It almost reminds me of lyrics, where someone is singing the bold part then speaks the other.

[dearest]

I've got to agree with earlier comments: it certainly would lend itself well to music. Very emotional and fluid, and I like the unusual form. Bolded and unbolded stanzas also added emphasis and enhanced the poem overall. Absolutely heartwrenching. Great stuff.

[Venomous Vixen]

I found another, brilliant as well. I can see this to music as well, perhaps a soft chorus and even dare I say hip hop in the longer parts? Haha but that is just because I am sure it would play that way in your mind. This one is interesting, there is anger in the beginning, and somewhere in the middle that sort of lifts and leaves regret and almost the embers of care lying there... just to be picked up again by anger and fueled through the end. It works, the way the emotions transition, it captures human nature very well after something that plays on emotions. I really liked this one!

[katofmystery]

WOW that was great. . . aside from the punctuation it was great. . . i felt the pain. . . amazing

[Nupur]

I love this one! I agree with everyone who posted here. Your poem will sound really good when set to music. I adore the form. All the repetition you've used is really really good.