[Corneac]

Modern faith is humbling,
in a world of higher stakes,
where girls roam like heartache,
like I, against the grain,

where uniforms are uniform,
and conformity conforms, despite,
the bitter edge of individualism-
blunted by the staring passer byes,

and I don’t quite fit the glove
of God’s descending hand,
nor am I content, to writhe
in the more intelligent of land,

I could sit and write a poem
that you would never read,
or immerse my self in distraction
the kind, that life don’t dare believe,

I’m like a stanza with no grammar,
a poem without a flow,
no dike to curve me from the shore
no stop to call my own,

I can’t sit still and
I can’t bear to walk away,
so please be the atheist
and turn this love away

[Rain]

Hey Chris, 5th stanza was by far your best, the rest of them could be better, but that stanza was definitly worth the read for me personally. Certain lines stuck out, some for reasons good some for reasons bad. "the kind, that life don’t dare believe".. read off pretty weird for me "I can’t still and I can’t bear to walk away," another that reads off not so well. All for all it was ok, thanks for sharing man.

[Blink]

Originally Posted by Corneac

I’m like a stanza with no grammar,
a poem without a flow,
no dike to curve me from the shore
no stop to call my own,

That was absolutely fantastic! Overall the poem was very cool, but that stanza was fantastic and by far the best of the poem, like Rain said. I don't really have any suggestions to make it better, because there weren't any mistakes to say, just oddly phrased or not put well, no offense, because I really liked the poem.

-Scott

[Corneac]

Thanks Scott, and Rain. Yes, this is sort of like-my-attempt to break back into writing.

I didn't like the stanza, it sounded cliche-esque ot me. But thanks for your supoort and suggestions. I think it's just one of those take it or leave it sort of poems, not good but not great. I'm glad you enjoyed and thanks for the comment.

[Vorcla]

Have to agree; the 5th stanza is stunning. Very refreshing word choices, and unusual usages. You manage to make your poems startling; they demand attention. And there's always a depth there - don't read it superficially or you'll miss a lot.

I thought this was really good, especially if you're just trying to work back in to writing.

[Corneac]

Thanks again man. I think it comes from being the youngest child, I'm always demanding attention. lol.

Nahh, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm glad i wrote it, another step to writing poetry I'm proud of again. Thankyou.

[Venomous Vixen]

It's funny, the paragraph noted by the others was my least favorite in this piece. Have you rewritten it since these comments were left? Your ideas in the rest of it... girls roaming like heartache, the bitter edge of individualism, the entire third paragraph wow... I know in general I gush over your work but really I do not think this one has been given the credit it deserves... the flow was spot on, the ideas were incredible and it had a very powerful emotion backing it. If this is you breaking back into writing, well it must be a bit like riding a bike because you never lost it kiddo.

[RENA HANDS]

I am ever so grateful that this reader has so very little of experience and knowledge of the written prose. What I know therefore is the following...

The imagery is SUPERB!

The rhyme and or rhythm is SPLENDID!

The vocabulary you have penned to paper is SUPERLATIVE! Nothing was neither wasted or trivial. Of course then I must ask, ‘can a writer ever squander the soul’s language...? ’

This is what makes me applaud so loudly...

I’m like a stanza with no grammar,
a poem without a flow,
no dike to curve me from the shore
no stop to call my own,

Enough babel, my rating is 5/5.

[Corneac]

Hahaha thanks Bri! Adn Rena, I'm glad you liked it. Vut I'm glad you did.