[Rain]

I’m an idiot, I know, all I can do is apologize, my dear.
My oh my, I forgot you hate it when I call you anything sweet.

Sorry for making you uncomfortable,
Or maybe I made life difficult.
Ready? Because I’m about to strike.
Ready? I don’t want to catch you off guard.
You make my knees shake like they never have.

But I stand on them, because it makes me realize that I’m fucked up.
Unwillingly I fall into a state of love, although I hate you.
Tried, you haven’t, but it’s so hard to give up on you.

It seems like you couldn’t care less.

Tried, what have you done besides spit in my face?
Hear that? That’s my head screaming at me!
Inside it hurts, and the pain will not subside.
No, it’s the pain I won’t let subside,
Knowing without it I’m numb.

It seems I’m slipping.

Hear that? That’s me attempting to walk away,
And that’s all it is, an attempt.
Torn, scraped, raped of my sanity.
Everlasting pain sits and giggles at my misery.

Yes, I’m in pain, go ahead and mock me.
Or you could step aside and realize that you’re no better than I am.
Unless you’re afraid of coming to terms with reality, like I am.

Misery sits on my shoulder,
Your memory rests upon my chest.

Dying for a smile,
Even after I’ve laughed.
Abandoned by you,
Rather have you gone anyway.

[Rain]

I was feeling creative.... There is a good chance of me making edits on this one as well.

[Syrah]

This was a very well done acrostic. If it weren't for the italics I probably, honestly, wouldn't have noticed it was acrostic til I finished reading it

It is a sad thought, though. I can hear your voice throughout this and cannot help but think that this is a pretty personal piece. It drips in pain and confliction.

But I stand on them, because it makes me realize that I’m fucked up.
Unwillingly I fall into a state of love, although I hate you.
Tried, you haven’t, but it’s so hard to give up on you.

This is an excellent example of such.


The flow of this is very -for lack of a better word- "poetic conversational" and is very nice and seems appropriate.

[Rain]

Thanks Sy

[Vorcla]

Ha! This is great; Reminds me of one of those good ol' Bob Dylan putdown songs. As Sy said, the acrostic is subtle; glad you italicized. But it stands alone as a great poem without the acrostic - the acrostic's a bonus.

Nice job!

[Rain]

Thanks.

[Venomous Vixen]

I echo the thoughts above. Acrostics are not an easy thing to pull off and I find the best ones are the ones you never even notice are such unless the writer points it out. The lines were not uneven or jagged, the set of letters and the beginning did not hurt the flow or the voice of the piece. It was just very well executed.

Speaking of the voice, I applaud you. It was full of dimension, like the way the mind runs away with thoughts when emotion is banging at the door... a bit like Pandora's Box, all the bad swarming to break free and that damn flicker of hope not letting you let go. Brilliantly captured... and spoken. Like Sy mentioned, I imagine this was a very personal piece, and in turn very vulnerable in it's own way, but that's what made it so beautiful.

[Rain]

You're awesome Bri

[Nupur]

Totally agree with Bri. The best acrostics are definitely the ones where you don't notice that it's an acrostic. Wonderful voice and yes, it was full of emotion conveyed in a manner that is easy to comprehend. Applaud you for that. Very well done, I love it.

[Storiesmaniac]

"Torn, scraped, raped of my sanity.
Everlasting pain sits and giggles at my misery."

Fantastic work Tay, these lines were brilliant, the whole poem was one raging emotion and you did such a god job of pulling it together...

I am of the opinion that the italics actually took away from the poem because they made it too obvious it was there...

Any ways awesome poem mate well done

[Rain]

Thanks Tim... those were actually my favorite lines too

[Peppy]

What can I say that nobody has said just yet?

AWESOME!!!

That's it. Ha. Wait.

I liked the acrostic, it was like a little easter egg. It's not exactly flowy, but the emotions conveyed in the poem makes up for it. Gives it style.

[Rain]

that was the coolest comment I've ever gotten! lol. Thanks man.

[dearest]

What is there to say that hasn't been said?

*awesome (check)
*subtle, well executed acrostic (check)
*raw emotion, seems personal (check)
*nice conversational, easy going tone (check)
*Choppiness makes it seem like real thoughts (check)
*um, you rock. Well, it's sort of been said. The little rocker smiley and all. ^_^

All of these deserve repetition. Excellent, excellent stuff. Applause.

[Rain]

Thanks Tricia!