[DarkPower]

There was something once
I wanted to do
To prove to you my heart was true

So up I climbed that mighty hill
Though such a height gave me chills

But you laughed to my face
And told me my might was faint

So down I came and thought again
Something to prove my hearty fame

And there it came to me
So again I tried
Hoping this time it would make you sigh

Up I climbed that bush so high
Hoping to you I wouldn't fall and die

I had decided that I would cry
My love to you in a voice so high

But again you laughed
Calling my voice daft

Such anger swelled
That I almost yelled

So I grabed you up
Dragged you to the hilly hill top

And I cast you down
With only a slight frown

Hoping to get rid
Of the laughter you bid

[psycosis]

I really like it.....just not the last line.....that may be one of your best

[DarkPower]

Who would think that my best would be the one I thought was a mess? lol well thanks for fixing the last line it really did need it.

[Billbailey]

It's a good poem, I don't find it very funny though. It seems dark to me, even the wording to a certain extent. Obviously hilly hill top doesn't seem that dark.

[Enreg]

Only a slight frown... C'mon now ^.^ Thumbs up from me.

[katofmystery]

i agree with enreg on all levels. . . oh and this poem gets me thinking about a darker version of jack and jill. . . i thought that it was great!

[Eva Marie]

I think that it is funny.

[Jayna]

Originally Posted by DarkPower

So I grabed you up
Dragged you to the hilly hill top

And I cast you down
With only a slight frown

Hoping to get rid
Of the laughter you bid

Wow What a way to show your love. Lol I like this part the best.
I would have done the same thing. I don't like hieght! lol

[RENA HANDS]

You illustrated a fantastic imagery of conflicted emotion!

Your selective usage of vocabulary, most effective.

Hoping to get rid
Of that laughter you bid

*(Not only is it errie, but bittersweet).

I just thought (and it’s my own opinion) there could be a few more inserted commas.

My rate 4/5!

[Anonymous]

I liked it and disliked it at the same time. It was empowering but meh. I think you're right it's not one of your best. I have read better from you.

[Corneac]

Not exactly funny DP. But stilted, not your best. Old, as well. That's why, but your words always have a quality that draws me in regardless. I miss it.

[Brandeno41]

i ilked alot espicially the last few lines

[PaulJJ]

I didnt really find it funny, but I really liked it. Dark but only lightly. Written in a away that in my head I sing it more then just read it. I like that.

Nice work.

[Jess1016]

I havn't posted a comment in a while, and I wanted to find something that really tickled my fancy (if you will excuse the lameness). anyway this poem has great rhythem. But it is absolutly funning, in a very ironic sort of way. this poem unfolds well without letting the reader know what is going to happen. your poem has plot. PLOT. my only suggesion might be to even the sylable count, but besides that be proud of a work that is truly unique.

[Peppy]

That poem was more depressing and dark than it was supposedly humourous. I'm not even sure if there is any dark humour in it, too. Nonetheless, even though I think this is wrongly categorized, this poem was good. Nice rhyming skills, etc. etc.

I'm not even sure if the triumph over the person was supposed to be the funny part. Almost seems like it, but not quite. Hmmmmmm...

[Hurricane]

It was really good at first then at the end it seemed like you just couldn't find the right words. But besides thta I found it hilarous and it reminded me of some mother goose rhyme withe a dark twist.