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A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
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03-08-2006, 01:52 AM
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A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
A ritual of which I dare not speak,
Was shown today in the News Week. Another person had just died, Important only in the way he tried. To save his honor, did he do that? Slicing his belly and falling flat. Was he angry, was he sad? Or, was he just plain mad. Did he hate his life? Did he hate his wife? Whatever the reason, it was not pretty. Committing Seppuku in public, I mean. Author's notes: My first poem on stories mania. Normally, I don't actually experiment with poems. So, I'm still quite new at poetry.
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Last edited by Ravane; 30-11-2007 at 01:33 PM. 
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04-08-2006, 01:23 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Are there any requirements for a poem of this type?
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04-08-2006, 07:52 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Eventhough it is your first, but i liked it. It is so simple.
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 I'm sick of screams! Why don't you just die?!
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05-08-2006, 09:37 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Me too. The rhyming couplets gave it a limerical feel, perfect for humour writing, and the break with this on the last line emphasised the surprise. Whilst it wasn't laugh out loud funny (poetry rarely is for me), the unexpected ending brought a smile. Perhaps question marks at the end of 'Did he hate is life/wife'?
Just so I'm sure, Seppuku is the whole Samurai 'falling on your own sword' business right? Anyway, good, keep it up.
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Mr.Snail (Missing, presumed Lost).
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06-08-2006, 07:58 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
heh thanx. I can't believe I missed the question marks.
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11-10-2006, 05:18 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
your poetry is so much better than mine
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I'm sick of screams! Why don't you just die?!
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12-10-2006, 09:59 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Yeah, an odd thing to be 'humorous' about, but I quite liked it
 simply done.Last edited by Duncan; 13-10-2006 at 02:35 AM.
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29-10-2006, 01:20 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Geeez...You have a warp sense of humour do you.
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Peace.
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20-12-2006, 03:57 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
very nice i like it! goodjob!
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02-10-2007, 09:29 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
nice i love it
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02-10-2007, 09:30 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
you should keep making poems you are really good. This is the kind of poem i like, the dark demented humor that i weird yet not at the same time
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02-10-2007, 01:43 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Heh. Thanx, man.
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02-10-2007, 03:48 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Very nice flow and rythm. I liked it.
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It's all just tinsel. Under the spotlights, everything sparkles.
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04-10-2007, 11:07 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
wow. lol. thanx. I just realized this poem is like the only one in the humour section. I should probably release some more.
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05-10-2007, 04:23 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
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 For your first poem, it really rocks. It's way better than my first poem.
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If you don't let me know that you've read my comment, I will probably stop commenting on your writing. Smile, and have a good day.
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09-10-2007, 11:52 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
It's in the humour section because it's funny... Right? heh heh?
Well, it used to be funny...
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09-10-2007, 12:53 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
The thing is, the rhythm is real sloppy and the rhyme scheme's not clean. My two cents.
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09-10-2007, 12:55 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
Its kind of funny...I think.
Double check your lines, as they don't all line up. Some lines have words missing, while others have too many.
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10-10-2007, 10:09 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
I think I cleaned it up a bit more, but you might need to help me a bit.
Do all the lines need to be the same length?
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10-10-2007, 10:32 AM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
No, the lines need to have a similar meter/rhythm.
An extra word or a missing word can cause the flow of a piece to change dramatically. (I will give further comments shortly)
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10-10-2007, 03:28 PM
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Re: A Ritual I Dare Not Speak
I hope that you continue with writing poetry as I am also new to writing it.
A wonderful poem, but is not News Week, should it not be capitalized?
__________________ Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. D |
