[Rain]

Succulent humiliation sits and stares,
I’ve found the fetal position comfortable.
Looking for appeasement, I search in all the wrong places.

Drown myself in memories and sad songs of love,
believing it’s healing, when it’s damaging.
Appeasement is not to be found.

Criticized by people who have no right,
praised by people who do not matter.
Fabricating a phobia of loneliness.

Drenched in frenetic exaggeration,
I seem to overrate my desperation.
Looking into a mirror, I’m repulsed.

Careened by my own thoughts,
Vision becomes blurry.
I relax, dazed and confused.

Passed the past,
beginning the beginning,
A fresh start lies ahead.

[Rain]

I put this in amateur myself because it feels a little abrupt for me.... what do you guys think?

[Peppy]

It doesn't seem abrupt to me. It just seems abrupt, to me, because it's read just a little too quickly. This isn't a story-story with paragraph where there has to be technicalities, this is a poem where things need to be said. Hmmmmmmmm...

I relax(,) dazed and confused.

This is a good poem. I thought it was swell.

One last thing. Is your vocanulary growing? I see words you never used before.

Yeah, that's all.

[Rain]

I do this time to time, more use of higher vocab.. thanks Peppy.

[Vorcla]

"Dazed and Confused" - Led Zeppelin. Was that deliberate? Nice reference.

My only real quibble is right out of the box. "Succulent humiliation" seems a little over-the-top. Not exactly sure what you wanted to say there.

This works well. The abruptness you talk about lends itself to the poem; has a lot to do with your word choices. This is one of those cases where the words dictate the form. I like the emotion you express; I've said it before - for me, emotion is 90% of the battle.

My one caveat would be to watch the vocabulary. It's teetering on the edge of pretentiousness. It's absolutely fine for this poem - it works great - but it's right at the edge of the envelope. "Succulent humiliation" is the one bubble that escaped. You have to be careful, or people might think you're sitting there with a thesaurus while you're writing.

I would use the heavy words sparingly, but that's just me. I've been working with dearest, who I think is one of the finest poets on this site, and I love the way she expresses things so simply and clearly. Tricia's style is so clean and uncluttered, and it allows her wonderful emotions to absolutely shine through.

Once again, Tay, you're stretching out and trying new things, and it's good to see. This is really well done, and you should be proud of your progress.

Nice job!