[LullabyHearts]

So I am not the best with poems but I wrote this one today and I really like it. It may not be as good as I think but I still want to post it up. Its dedicated to that new special guy in my life (yes, I know I'm being a sap).

Looking for a four leaf clover,
in a sea of white daisies;
that idea was not very clever.

In the back of my mind,
I knew something was wrong;
To me everything was just so blind.

Hopes too high, dreams too high;
however was he going to reach?
Soon enough I would just let it go by.

Like an orange falling from an apple tree,
he found me when I least expected;
in my mind and heart he is all I see.

[Lubesh]

Hope too high, dreams too high;
however was he going to reach,
soon enough I would just let it go by.

Few things with this verse...

question mark for the end of line 2 and capital letter for the start of line 3
Also, did u mean 'hope' as opposed to 'hopes'

I enjoyed your daisies and clover idea and again with the apple and orange. I thought it apity you couldn't do the same re the middle verses......make it similarly twisted.
Unless the blind ref is one?

[LullabyHearts]

I could attempt to do the same for the middle stanzas.

And its supposed to be hopes, my "s" just disappeared, haha.

I'll work on it, real quick!

Edit: Hmmm, I can't really think of anything. And I kind of like how it is now. You know how things get tend to fall for your first draft. But I can't think of anything right now, doesn't mean I can't in future.

[Lubesh]

I like it, it was just a thought and its great to see you still going at it. Keep it up as they say lol Nice one LH

[LullabyHearts]

Oh do you think it would sound better if it was:

And like an orange falling from an apple tree?

And the last line of the first stanza...is off...I'm not sure how to fix it...

And...I thought I put love and romance, how come its under heartbreak/sorrow?

[Lubesh]

No and if u can help it ..it seems fine as is

the last line i amsure u can do better with

Like an orange falling from an apple tree,
he found me when I least expected;
in my mind and heart he is all I see.

you could play on the fruit and use core... or similar

From the core of my heart he is all to me

[LullabyHearts]

I'll say again. Can you switch this to love and romance. Its not a sorrow piece.

[Storiesmaniac]

moved...
Nice poem steph i know it has a bigger meaning then what it's letting on but i think it captured it in a sweet, innocent way. It's a nice poem. Good job!

[LullabyHearts]

Sweet and innocent just like me.
And thanks for moving it for me!

[Venomous Vixen]

I like the idea of high expectations here, and the fact they are not compromised but instead reached. Though sweet and innocent I found it fitting of the first blooms of an innocent love. You also had some great thoughts in there, the clover among daisies, the orange from an apple tree. Just might make a poet out of you yet. hehe I really enjoyed this. (and good luck tomorrow!!)

[LullabyHearts]

Aww thanks Bri!
And yes, I am determined to be a poet!
I love how my innocence has been portrayed because for the most part with the whole relationships thing...I am, like crazy, innocent. Really glad it came across well.

[Ryankia]

I also like the concept and where this piece is headed. With a little a bit of work, this will really be awesome!

[LullabyHearts]

Thank you, thank you.
I'm on the long journey of being awesome.

[Corneac]

Wow...Haruna...I really liked this! Certainly not perfect, but honestly for someon who doesn't write poetry, that much, it was really something.

Interesting rhythm, it was a little awry at points because the shift in your rhyme scheme, but that gave it half it's charm. It was honest...and innocent and rather lovely. You sap! Hahaha...nah...happy for you...and you can make a fantastic poet yet...if you keep this up.

Like an orange falling from an apple tree,
he found me when I least expected;
in my mind and heart he is all I see.

Loved that metaphor, for some reason, have a urge to steal it. But I won't...lol. Anyway...I really enjoyed this. Great poem...and keep writing.

[LullabyHearts]

Awww thanks Chris, that means a lot to me.
You guys are all so great, your making me feel so excited about becoming a poet

[Gurdit]

I liked it, to put it very simply.
I'm not a very good poet when it comes to poem structure, so I'll reserve my comments about the rhythm/meter and things. However, I found it refreshing that the 3 line stanzas had the first and last line rhyme.

The reason the innocence shines through in this poem is probably because of the simplicity, which is a trait often associated with innocence.

[LullabyHearts]

Thanks for reading it, Tid! I appreciate it.