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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 24-03-2008, 01:11 PM
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Good Night, Sleep Tight

The stars are twinkling and shy,
I see that magic spark in your eye,
On the moon is where you wish you could lie,
The way it's light makes you sigh,
But the time to sleep is drawing nigh,
As your gaze gives me wings to fly,
And while you sleep I'll go so high,
I'll be back tomorrow with your piece of the sky,
So drift into peace and I bid you "Good Bye".

NOTE: I originally wrote this as something more elegant I could use to say "Good Night" to someone I cared for a lot. I was too embarrassed and thought it might be too "Straight-Forward" (If you understand what I'm trying to say) of a poem to do so, and I decided not to let it go to waste. So I put it here. I hope you enjoyed it!
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Old 31-03-2008, 05:51 AM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

It seemed to keep flow most of the way through, and the rhymes were simple but good. Pretty good job
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Old 01-04-2008, 12:03 PM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Haha thanks, twice over! It seems you have commented on a lot of my poetry lately, thanks for that.
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Old 03-04-2008, 06:43 AM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Short and elegant, full of grace. Good job, i like it.
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Old 03-04-2008, 07:08 AM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Thank you! As the note said, It was meant to be short and nice, but I figured it sounded a bit... personal to give to the person I made it for. (I'm not related to her, and we aren't dating). SO I just posted it here. ^_^
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your really ratehr evil aye EP?
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Old 21-07-2008, 05:02 PM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

I'll be back tomorrow with your piece of the sky,

I thought that part was beautiful. short and sweet. flowed fairly well. I did stumble a few times but overall. goood job
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Old 22-07-2008, 05:48 AM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

That was quite bold given shyness maybe and youth and jsut finding the right things...some nice lines in there though the continuous rhyme put me off as a piece.

But love why it came about!

A nice gem to callyour own.
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Old 22-07-2008, 07:47 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Nice sample of the monorhyme form.

It is a bit choppy, but very nice. Too bad it didn't work for its originally intended purpose.
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Old 22-07-2008, 12:22 PM
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Thumbs up Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Wow! Such romanticism. I applaud this…

As your gaze gives me wings to fly,


As for your note, I think you should have shared this with the one who inspired. How else would she know your feelings, if your tongue is all tied up with doubt?
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Old 10-09-2008, 04:42 PM
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Re: Good Night, Sleep Tight

Wow. That was really amazing. It reminds me of an elegant and more sophisticated nursery rhyme. Keep up the great work! I loved it!
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