[Wordsmyth]

**This is my first attempt at writing lyrics so let me know if this is total crap.**



On the night I first saw you
You were a dream walking by
That smile on your face and
The twinkle in your eye
Beauty like yours I’ve never seen
I never dreamed
You’d love somebody like me

As things went along
The more in love I fell
With each gentle touch
And every kiss as well
But it was too good to last
Because I didn’t see
That you loved another
And had no time for me

(Chorus)
You've got too much to do
Places to go
No time for me
Though I love you so
Someone else has your heart
Why couldn’t I see?
You have no place in your life
For someone like me

I was good for the moment
A nice place to be
Temporary replacement
For another like me
You say you’re just friends
But anyone can see
You feel for him
Like I wish you did for me



(bridge)
I watch you sitting there
And the love in your eyes
Totally consumed by the one that you see
I sure wish that you were looking at me

(Chorus)
You've got too much to do
Places to go
No time for me
Though I love you so
Someone else has your heart
Why couldn’t I see?
You have no place in your life
For someone like me

(Chourus)
You've got too much to do
Places to go
No time for me
I’ll always love you so
Someone else has your heart
Now I can see
It’s a hard lonely life
For someone like me

[Ryankia]

Very nice Mike! I really liked it. It flowed well and lyrically. Well done!

[Venomous Vixen]

My only negative thought here was punctuation! This piece is beautiful though, simply beautiful. I would love to hear it to music I think it would be an incredible song... and the ending stanza was just shattered my heart. If these are drawn from someone in particular I would have to say she has no idea what she missed out on.

[Wordsmyth]

Thank you. I was a little worried since it was my first shot at writing lyrics. I appreciate that.

The only reason I didn't use punctuation is that I looked at a lot of lyrics by different artists to get a feel of how they were written and the only punctuation that seems to be used is ?'s and commas for pause in the middle of a line. Wasn't for sure on the protocol there.

And thanks Bri, for that last comment.

[Venomous Vixen]

Hmmm, I am not sure either, just seems punctuation would be appropriate for the place the singer would pause to draw breath but maybe it is not necessary. LOL, either way it reads beautifully! (oh and you are most welcome)

[Syrah]

This sounded like either a country or a classic rock type of sound when I tried singing this out a bit.

I loved the lyrics and any fine tuning would naturally come from the putting of this to actual music.

[Wordsmyth]

Originally Posted by Syrah

This sounded like either a country or a classic rock type of sound when I tried singing this out a bit.

I loved the lyrics and any fine tuning would naturally come from the putting of this to actual music.

Yeah I would say country, what better genre for heartbreak and loss.

Now if I could only play an instrument I could put some musiic to it !!

[Jack Jackman]

I thought that was really good with imaginitvie rhyming, and really painted a picture of the writer and where he thinks he is with the intended subject.

[dearest]

Hmm...great work. This would lend itself wonderfully to music. And you don't play any musical instruments?! Well then, well done! That chorus especially just tugs at my heartstrings. So tragic and tender. Great first song.

[Wordsmyth]

Thank you! I really wish I did play an instrument, I'd love to try and put this to music. Guess I'll have to learn.

[BlackOrchid918]

It was nice...it did what it was intended to do and definitely evoked memories of a friend I once had who went through a similar dilemma with a female friend who just never felt that way for him. A universal subject we're all capable of understanding in some way...I do see it as some sort of country pop ballad though, whether that's what you were aiming for or not.

[Fumus]

Wow, awesome lyrics. You really are a wordsymth.

I think however this song could be set to trance, I know I'm bias but if you've heard songs like rain down on me, just be, etc...you might just agree. I mean if they can set Pink, The Killers, and Carrie Underwood to a good trance beat, I can definitly hear this song being played at high volumes at the local disco near me.

[BookWhale***]

this is definately great for your first attempt at righting lyrics. the one thing I kind of wasn't that pleased with was the second stanza of your first verse:

As things went along
I fell more in love
Hit my knees in prayer
And thanked the man up above
But it was too good to last
Because I didn’t see
That you loved another
And had no time for me

I don't really think it fit in style wise with the rest of the song.

[Wordsmyth]

Thanks guy's I appreciate your comments!

BW I agree. I really felt that verse was a little corny and cliche. I' might fiddle with it sometime.

[Wordsmyth]

Originally Posted by BookWhale***

this is definately great for your first attempt at righting lyrics. the one thing I kind of wasn't that pleased with was the second stanza of your first verse:



I don't really think it fit in style wise with the rest of the song.

Fixed it up a little. See if that works any better.

[Theboss1985]

I love this song a lot it has such a great feel to it. The only problem I got and its a pet peeve of mine but it's when people use lines in songs that people don't really use in real life. Like your line "I love you so" makes me grind my teeth lol. But I loved the song

[Wordsmyth]

Thank you for you're comments. Much appreciated. I understand what you mean completely.