[SeaN]

Burn like a splif on a hot night in June
with the moonlight in tune
floating notes at you
through the airways
those sensual soliloquies
weaving through the willow trees
searching for an ear or a heart,
from the moment they depart.

Freeze like a moment, take a piece of you home
and hold it close to me
remember words you spoke to me
and savor the frost
as the feelings are lost
below the surface...
though the skeptics say
you planted them, on purpose.

Melt like a dream, in the face of bitter sun
as you rise and dilute all the colors
in your mind
and adjust the expectations
in light of complications
that defy adequate explanations-
but my Spring will pander still
to your tentative reservations.

[fishnchimps]

Good stuff, but it reads more like a poem than song lyrics. maybe some sort of chorus between each verse would help, it could make each verse/season more distinct and also create more of a song like vibe, ya dig?

[SeaN]

I dig! Thanks for the advice dude- I think I'll work on that. Welcome to the site man.

[Venomous Vixen]

Alright I am trying to place my finger on what exactly it is about the opening line, and I think it is the "burn". I see where you are going with it by looking at the opening line of the next two stanzas but... erg, it still feels like it should be "burnt", "burning" or perhaps a comma after just "burn" to clarify. The only other thing would be perhaps to replace the word altogether with something like "glow", which is similar to the look of a burning spliff.

I love to take what I want from your work and see it as it I chose. Here I saw summer love, words and hastiness, no regard until winter set in and things got that icy chill, perhaps with a new hope come spring or even a time to ponder things passed that may have meant more while wrapped in the moment. Beautiful piece SeaN!

[Phonoho]

With only three seasons, I feel you may have left one out intentionally. Fused ideas here, one of which could be a cultivation metaphor. You're speaking to something here, perhaps the excluded season to which you have given human qualities; organic with an almost opiate mood. Ah, but I'm reaching.

[AnimeFreakGeek]

Interesting word choices and comparrisons that are being made.
I too feel as if something is "missing" as there is only three seasons mentioned- Summer Winter and Spring would be my guess.
But still nicely done!

[Rain]

I like how you only did 3 seasons, it and it seemed to flow pretty nicely through the whole thing. And I am with fishnchimps, I would really like to see some kind of chorus, because it did feel like I was reading poetry and not song lyrics. If you can insert something like that I think it would flow even better than it already did. Good Job

[Theboss1985]

There probably are ways to make this into a song as opposed to a poem (which I think it is) but that would do it an injustice I think cause its an amazing poem as is. It flows beautifully and has everything a good poem should have.

Amazing work

[Alex]

It was good but I agree with the majority that a chorus is needed to complete it. Without a chorus, a song is just a list of incomplete sentences that have a meaning. The way I see it is that you have the bread but where are the ham and cheese.