The Memory Machine

[EternalPen]

Once upon a time,
As many stories start,
There was a boy and girl,
Who were worlds apart.

The girl knew the boy,
And saw him as a friend,
But the boy knew the girl,
And saw a Godsend.

She contained the essence of beauty,
She redefined that word,
But he was invisible to her,
Just one sheep among a herd.

He knew this very well,
But she still danced in his dreams,
In golden fields and meadows,
Growing by crystal streams.

One day he left,
Never to see her face,
But as fate would have it,
She left more than just a trace.

She stayed in his dreams,
Visions of her clouded his mind,
He wanted to forget,
To save himself time.

He heard of a man,
Who had a machine,
That could erase memories,
And even dreams.

He drove hundreds of miles,
Through road, dirt, and sand,
Just to see the machine,
And meet the old man.

The man's name was Charles,
His machine's name was Pearl,
And the burdened boy,
Wanted to forget the girl.

Charles asked no questions,
And made no reply,
Just gave out directions,
And watched the boy cry.

When the boy sat down,
The tubes on his head,
At the command of Charles,
Went to bed.

He dreamed once again,
Of the beautiful lass,
And as the picture faded,
He simply let it pass.

When he awoke,
He knew her no more,
And began to wonder,
Why he was on the floor.

Old man Charles,
Let the boy know,
He had let,
A memory go.

The boy asked what it was,
But Charles didn't say,
Just told him to go,
And not to pay.

So the boy left,
Wondering what was lost,
And what point in time,
It would show its true cost.

One fine morning,
He left to the store,
He was out of milk,
And needed some more.

He saw the girl,
That caused him to fret,
And when she looked back,
Their eyes met.

Something inside stirred,
But he ignored the sting,
And his body told him,
Forgetting was a bad thing.

He looked a little longer,
And remembered,
He remembered...
Nothing.

And the girl walked away,
Tossing the meeting behind,
And the boy suppressed hurt,
He thought was only in his mind.

[Phonoho]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, eh? No relation, I'm sure. Definately narrative.

[EternalPen]

?

Is that another poem? Should I look it up?
Oh, and I'll get off to commenting other peoples things now. ^_^

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by EternalPen

?

Is that another poem? Should I look it up?
Oh, and I'll get off to commenting other peoples things now. ^_^

No, it's a movie with Jim Carey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst and Elijah Wood about a memory erasing machine. It is listed as a comedy but I thought it was much too dark for humour. Strange film. Check it out.

[EternalPen]

Cool, I will! ^_^

[Phonoho]

I like the name for the machine - Pearl. Sounds organic and intelligent. (You'll find my last name in the poem too.)
Godsend doesn't need to be capitalized or hyphenated so I changed that. Its a common word.
Structure is a bit doggerel so I thought it would look better center aligned, giving each thought its own shape, as each memory is removed, one at a time. Simply executed but it resolves well. An unpresumptuous narrative but likable nonetheless.

[EternalPen]

Thanks, it looks nicer centered. ^_^

You'll find I also capatilize things for no reason sometimes, sorry about that. Thanks for the quick put-up. ^_^

[Lubesh]

Very likeable and u did it to me again lol

PS Go read his story.

[dearest]

Simple, but very appealing. I especially like how you start the piece with 'Once upon a time', which gives the whole thing a sort of fable-ish, dreamy feeling and makes sense with the simple structure. Great bittersweet ending, great concept (do watch Eternal Sunshine, by the way. Love it.), great piece.

[EternalPen]

Thanks! I'll check out that movie when I get the chance to. ^_^

[colinbaker62]

This is an epic. Were you Homer in a previous life?




Colin

[SeaN]

EP this is fantastic work. Very nice job! It's not easy to tell a story in couplets- you've done it with ease. Seems quite inspired.

The first stanza was a great introduction as well.

[EternalPen]

Why, thank you! I thought it was kinda fun to write, based off of some girl I know that I wish I don't know anymore. >_< But I enjoyed writing it, and I like that you enjoyed reading it! It makes me feel SO much better about it!
Thanks!

Oh, and I'm pretty sure if I was anything in a previous life, it wasn't Homer... it was probably something more along the lines of a horse. ^_^

[squattaz]

is this your original? Love it *laughing*... a very smart piece and the contrast is very clear... and of course its easy to relate...

[Hirak]

this poem while tells a good tale, but in patches it is ordinary in terms of word selection, maybe an editing by some expert editor can help it become a lot better.. no offence..

Hirak.

[EternalPen]

None taken. And thank you for taking the time to comment on it, too! ^_^

[Alex]

This is quite good, I do love a good narrative poem. I really got caught up in the story and it was a very intriguing idea for a poem. What caught my eye was the title, I like original titles that you don't see everyday and this is one of those titles.

For some reason this whole scene reminds me of a movie I watched at one time. I don't know the name of the movie nor do I remember what it's about but this somehow reminds me of it. Good job.

[Delma]

This was very good! I like how it reminds me of something I'm going through with a girl. I wish I had that machine. It'd make the pain go away. Anyway, I also like the for of it. Makes it more enjoyable to read.

[EternalPen]

Thanks! =)

[psycosis]

Definite comparisons here but well written......good job

[narniafan]

What a sad story you have set up here, but very well written. I like the rhyming effect.

[Vohkia04]

Wow, I'm really and truly impressed. This was great. A story without all of the words. I don't know why, I just really, really liked this.

And I never saw Eternal sunshine, so it's pretty damn original to me

[EternalPen]

Thank you, kindly. =)

[RENA HANDS]

What about –

He heard of a man,
Who had this machine,
It could erase memories,
Including his dreams.

Maybe –

When the boy sat down,
The tubes on his head,
At the command of Charles,
The boy, went to bed.

So, you have told a Marvelous, Rhyming Story.