Go Back   StoriesMania - short stories, poems, and more online fiction > Reading Corner > Poetic Cafe [Amateur Verse] > Narrative

ForwardPress

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 18-09-2007, 05:42 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
The Memory Machine

Once upon a time,
As many stories start,
There was a boy and girl,
Who were worlds apart.

The girl knew the boy,
And saw him as a friend,
But the boy knew the girl,
And saw a Godsend.

She contained the essence of beauty,
She redefined that word,
But he was invisible to her,
Just one sheep among a herd.

He knew this very well,
But she still danced in his dreams,
In golden fields and meadows,
Growing by crystal streams.

One day he left,
Never to see her face,
But as fate would have it,
She left more than just a trace.

She stayed in his dreams,
Visions of her clouded his mind,
He wanted to forget,
To save himself time.

He heard of a man,
Who had a machine,
That could erase memories,
And even dreams.

He drove hundreds of miles,
Through road, dirt, and sand,
Just to see the machine,
And meet the old man.

The man's name was Charles,
His machine's name was Pearl,
And the burdened boy,
Wanted to forget the girl.

Charles asked no questions,
And made no reply,
Just gave out directions,
And watched the boy cry.

When the boy sat down,
The tubes on his head,
At the command of Charles,
Went to bed.

He dreamed once again,
Of the beautiful lass,
And as the picture faded,
He simply let it pass.

When he awoke,
He knew her no more,
And began to wonder,
Why he was on the floor.

Old man Charles,
Let the boy know,
He had let,
A memory go.

The boy asked what it was,
But Charles didn't say,
Just told him to go,
And not to pay.

So the boy left,
Wondering what was lost,
And what point in time,
It would show its true cost.

One fine morning,
He left to the store,
He was out of milk,
And needed some more.

He saw the girl,
That caused him to fret,
And when she looked back,
Their eyes met.

Something inside stirred,
But he ignored the sting,
And his body told him,
Forgetting was a bad thing.

He looked a little longer,
And remembered,
He remembered...
Nothing.

And the girl walked away,
Tossing the meeting behind,
And the boy suppressed hurt,
He thought was only in his mind.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII


Last edited by Phonoho; 19-09-2007 at 11:53 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 18-09-2007, 11:36 AM
Phonoho's Avatar
Artifice in motion
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: White Oak Texas
Posts: 2,333
Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!
Points: 260,486.79
Bank: 41,476,691.32
Total Points: 41,737,178.11
Care for a strawberry torte to go along with, I have another left from dinner last night :) - Venomous Vixen would U like a cookie, 'just because?'...(grins). - RENA HANDS You are fabulous :) - Syrah Happy New Year, James! Hope 2010 is all you want it to be... - Vorcla for finally turning the big 2-7 *wink**wink* (may you always feel that young, haha.) - Atlas 
Send a message via AIM to Phonoho Send a message via MSN to Phonoho
Re: The Memory Machine

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, eh? No relation, I'm sure. Definately narrative.
__________________
"One of my primary objects is to form the tools so the tools themselves shall fashion the work and give to every part its just proportion."
Eli Whitney

Last edited by Phonoho; 18-09-2007 at 01:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 18-09-2007, 12:05 PM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

?

Is that another poem? Should I look it up?
Oh, and I'll get off to commenting other peoples things now. ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 18-09-2007, 12:59 PM
Phonoho's Avatar
Artifice in motion
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: White Oak Texas
Posts: 2,333
Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!
Points: 260,486.79
Bank: 41,476,691.32
Total Points: 41,737,178.11
Care for a strawberry torte to go along with, I have another left from dinner last night :) - Venomous Vixen would U like a cookie, 'just because?'...(grins). - RENA HANDS You are fabulous :) - Syrah Happy New Year, James! Hope 2010 is all you want it to be... - Vorcla for finally turning the big 2-7 *wink**wink* (may you always feel that young, haha.) - Atlas 
Send a message via AIM to Phonoho Send a message via MSN to Phonoho
Re: The Memory Machine

Quote:
Originally Posted by EternalPen View Post
?

Is that another poem? Should I look it up?
Oh, and I'll get off to commenting other peoples things now. ^_^
No, it's a movie with Jim Carey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst and Elijah Wood about a memory erasing machine. It is listed as a comedy but I thought it was much too dark for humour. Strange film. Check it out.
__________________
"One of my primary objects is to form the tools so the tools themselves shall fashion the work and give to every part its just proportion."
Eli Whitney
Reply With Quote
Old 19-09-2007, 07:10 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Cool, I will! ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 19-09-2007, 11:50 AM
Phonoho's Avatar
Artifice in motion
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: White Oak Texas
Posts: 2,333
Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!Phonoho is so hot right now!
Points: 260,486.79
Bank: 41,476,691.32
Total Points: 41,737,178.11
Care for a strawberry torte to go along with, I have another left from dinner last night :) - Venomous Vixen would U like a cookie, 'just because?'...(grins). - RENA HANDS You are fabulous :) - Syrah Happy New Year, James! Hope 2010 is all you want it to be... - Vorcla for finally turning the big 2-7 *wink**wink* (may you always feel that young, haha.) - Atlas 
Send a message via AIM to Phonoho Send a message via MSN to Phonoho
Re: The Memory Machine

I like the name for the machine - Pearl. Sounds organic and intelligent. (You'll find my last name in the poem too.)
Godsend doesn't need to be capitalized or hyphenated so I changed that. Its a common word.
Structure is a bit doggerel so I thought it would look better center aligned, giving each thought its own shape, as each memory is removed, one at a time. Simply executed but it resolves well. An unpresumptuous narrative but likable nonetheless.
__________________
"One of my primary objects is to form the tools so the tools themselves shall fashion the work and give to every part its just proportion."
Eli Whitney

Last edited by Phonoho; 19-09-2007 at 11:57 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 19-09-2007, 12:14 PM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Thanks, it looks nicer centered. ^_^

You'll find I also capatilize things for no reason sometimes, sorry about that. Thanks for the quick put-up. ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 19-09-2007, 12:44 PM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,088.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,088.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: The Memory Machine

Very likeable and u did it to me again lol

PS Go read his story.
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Old 20-09-2007, 05:43 AM
dearest's Avatar
Quiet One
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,812
dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!
Points: 216,688.68
Bank: 639,752.64
Total Points: 856,441.32
Oh..and I do know how to spell "miss." lol! - Vorcla Always great to see you, hon! ^_^ - Vorcla Hi, you! - Vorcla Thanks for your new poem, hon. It was a joy to read. Made me feel almost normal.  ^_^ - Vorcla Just felt like it. Haven't given you anything in a while.  ^_^ - Vorcla 
Re: The Memory Machine

Simple, but very appealing. I especially like how you start the piece with 'Once upon a time', which gives the whole thing a sort of fable-ish, dreamy feeling and makes sense with the simple structure. Great bittersweet ending, great concept (do watch Eternal Sunshine, by the way. Love it.), great piece.
__________________
Your battles inspired me - not the obvious material battles
but those that were fought and won behind your forehead.


Reply With Quote
Old 20-09-2007, 05:49 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Thanks! I'll check out that movie when I get the chance to. ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 20-09-2007, 09:43 PM
colinbaker62's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 747
colinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary membercolinbaker62 is an Honorary member
Points: 63,589.87
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 63,589.87
Re: The Memory Machine

This is an epic. Were you Homer in a previous life?




Colin
__________________
Colin Baker.
Reply With Quote
Old 21-09-2007, 09:46 AM
SeaN's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 939
SeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary member
Points: 43,768.62
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 43,768.62
Re: The Memory Machine

EP this is fantastic work. Very nice job! It's not easy to tell a story in couplets- you've done it with ease. Seems quite inspired.

The first stanza was a great introduction as well.
Reply With Quote
Old 25-09-2007, 12:39 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Why, thank you! I thought it was kinda fun to write, based off of some girl I know that I wish I don't know anymore. >_< But I enjoyed writing it, and I like that you enjoyed reading it! It makes me feel SO much better about it!
Thanks!

Oh, and I'm pretty sure if I was anything in a previous life, it wasn't Homer... it was probably something more along the lines of a horse. ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2007, 04:59 AM
Valued Reader
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: cali
Posts: 58
squattaz is a regular around heresquattaz is a regular around heresquattaz is a regular around here
Points: 1,679.00
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 1,679.00
Re: The Memory Machine

is this your original? Love it *laughing*... a very smart piece and the contrast is very clear... and of course its easy to relate...
Reply With Quote
Old 30-10-2007, 02:54 PM
Hirak's Avatar
"Doc"
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 114
Hirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary memberHirak is an Honorary member
Points: 5,063.27
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 5,063.27
Re: The Memory Machine

this poem while tells a good tale, but in patches it is ordinary in terms of word selection, maybe an editing by some expert editor can help it become a lot better.. no offence..

Hirak.
Reply With Quote
Old 30-10-2007, 10:16 PM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

None taken. And thank you for taking the time to comment on it, too! ^_^
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 21-11-2009, 05:46 AM
Alex's Avatar
just me...
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 874
Alex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary memberAlex is an Honorary member
Points: 226,688.88
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 226,688.88
Noticed you didn't have any gifts. That's just not right. ;) Thanks for participating around here... - Vorcla Sleep, you need some cause you work way too hard. - Atlas because I felt like giving you a prezzie :) - Dark-huntress Heyyo wanted 2 thankyou so very 4 your vunderful comments! Didn't have a chance 2 reply! so busy! so im gonna give you this money as a bribe 2 4give moi ..i mean to show my appreciation! haha - Dark-huntress 
Send a message via MSN to Alex Send a message via Yahoo to Alex
Re: The Memory Machine

This is quite good, I do love a good narrative poem. I really got caught up in the story and it was a very intriguing idea for a poem. What caught my eye was the title, I like original titles that you don't see everyday and this is one of those titles.

For some reason this whole scene reminds me of a movie I watched at one time. I don't know the name of the movie nor do I remember what it's about but this somehow reminds me of it. Good job.
__________________
"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."

- Eric Forman, That 70's Show
Reply With Quote
Old 16-12-2009, 12:58 AM
Delma's Avatar
Reader
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 14
Delma shows enthusiasm for the siteDelma shows enthusiasm for the siteDelma shows enthusiasm for the siteDelma shows enthusiasm for the siteDelma shows enthusiasm for the siteDelma shows enthusiasm for the site
Points: 3,282.96
Bank: 1,104.08
Total Points: 4,387.04
Welcome to the site, and have fun! - Vorcla 
Send a message via ICQ to Delma
Re: The Memory Machine

This was very good! I like how it reminds me of something I'm going through with a girl. I wish I had that machine. It'd make the pain go away. Anyway, I also like the for of it. Makes it more enjoyable to read.
__________________
"To take away someone's individuality is to take away their humanity, and frankly it just sucks." -me
Reply With Quote
Old 16-12-2009, 06:18 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Thanks! =)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 16-12-2009, 07:39 AM
psycosis's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 1,244
psycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary memberpsycosis is an Honorary member
Points: 125,952.10
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 125,952.10
merlin the magician! where have yo been! imisshedyo! hope works going well! - Dark-huntress thanks for reviewing my work but mostly WELCOME BACK!  xo. - Dark-huntress imisshedyo! iluhyo! hope your doing good =) - Dark-huntress You know I love me some 'gold' freak (lol)... - RENA HANDS Thank you for all of your wonderful comments on my work, and I am so glad to see you around here more often! - Venomous Vixen 
Send a message via Yahoo to psycosis
Re: The Memory Machine

Definite comparisons here but well written......good job
__________________
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2010, 11:41 AM
Valued Reader
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 81
narniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around herenarniafan is a great help around here
Points: 25,955.55
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 25,955.55
whoooo! You looked like you needed a gift, also in congrats to your writing :) - Persephone 
Re: The Memory Machine

What a sad story you have set up here, but very well written. I like the rhyming effect.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:55 AM
Vohkia04's Avatar
Neat-o
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Nowheresville, Northern Burundi
Posts: 108
Vohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary memberVohkia04 is an Honorary member
Points: 81,741.36
Bank: 1,155.86
Total Points: 82,897.22
did anybody give you a present for being entertaining? yes, remember that.   p.s i dont know whats inside. open it and tell me. - Abuel don't tell anyone i gave you alchohol! - Dark-huntress a belated birthday cake. fucking love it. =) - Dark-huntress You are as stubborn as a pig. Hope your day is super fantastic :) - Syrah COD? I heard boys like this kinda stuff..CONGRATS! - Dark-huntress 
Re: The Memory Machine

Wow, I'm really and truly impressed. This was great. A story without all of the words. I don't know why, I just really, really liked this.

And I never saw Eternal sunshine, so it's pretty damn original to me
__________________
I have a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it is in the fourth dimension.
Reply With Quote
Old 20-02-2010, 05:15 AM
EternalPen's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Albany, GA
Posts: 569
EternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary memberEternalPen is an Honorary member
Points: 64,637.10
Bank: 172,214.08
Total Points: 236,851.18
Happy Birthay. It's a present. :D - Peppy 
Re: The Memory Machine

Thank you, kindly. =)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by LullabyHearts View Post
Dorks are so much cooler.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmay View Post
your one twistid son of a bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmund View Post
your really ratehr evil aye EP?
"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."
-Final Fantasy VII

Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 08:53 AM
dorian hanes's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,770
dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!
Points: 19,107.02
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 19,107.02
Cool Re: The Memory Machine

What about –

Quote:
He heard of a man,
Who had this machine,
It could erase memories,
Including his dreams.
Maybe –

Quote:
When the boy sat down,
The tubes on his head,
At the command of Charles,
The boy, went to bed.
So, you have told a Marvelous, Rhyming Story.
__________________
If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:41 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
A vBSkinworks Design
Copyright © 1999 - 2009, StoriesMania.Net