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22-11-2005, 01:04 AM
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Butterfly
Butterfly cry
Butter fly bleed Butterfly its ok with me Butterfly smile Butterfly its ok Butterfly it will go away Butterfly tomorrow is another day Today maybe hard But tomorrow it will be the past Butterfly fly Show me your wings Look at there beauty Butterfly your wonderful Butterfly believe me Butterfly the world isn't all the bad Butterfly not everyone is a liar Butterfly not everyone wants to hurt you Butterfly not everyone will know your beauty Butterfly I see it and I know you don't Butterfly ill hold you up till you fly on your own Butterfly I love you Butterfly its ok Butterfly smile Butterfly cry if you need to Butterfly ill wipe your years away Butterfly ill get you to smile Butterfly ill show you your fears can be cased away Butterfly I promise you you'll be fine Butterfly remember ill be here forever and a day 
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22-11-2005, 04:54 AM
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Re: Butterfly
just a couple of points. ill....'I'll and Butterfly your wonderful...you're or you are. Nice ode to the butterfly there.
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22-11-2005, 11:43 AM
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Re: Butterfly
"Butter fly bleed". Butterfly needs to be put back together. Also the "ill"s like Lubesh pointed out should all be "I'll" and "Look at there beauty" should be "their".
Otherwise the poem has good moments but I find it really repetitive, and not in a good way. If it were my poem I wouldn't use "butterfly" on every line. For example I would write: Butterfly, you're wonderful believe me, the world isn't all the bad Butterfly, not everyone is a liar not everyone wants to hurt you Butterfly, not everyone will know your beauty I see it and I know you don't Butterfly, ill hold you up till you fly on your own I love you That way you still have the repitition but not so much it starts to annoy the reader and the reader still knows what you are speaking about. Just an opinion though, you of course have all the rights of author. It really is a good concept, speaking to a butterfly. Good ideas. ~DK
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26-11-2005, 08:55 AM
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Re: Butterfly
I did like this one, but as Dk pointed out the repetition became annoying. but on the otherhand it was good, because it just went on flowing the same way.
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29-11-2005, 06:06 AM
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Re: Butterfly
I agree with everyone else too..though I like the idea and the use of the butterfly
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