[Timmay]

And the drum played

After the sex, they sat on the bed.
The chick, thinking about how she loved him,
The dude, thinking how she was gunna be dead.

He whipped out the gun, saying, “Time to die bitch.”
And in one fell shriek, she fell, but not too far.
And laughed like a moron till he started to stitch.

The swinging door keeps blowing in the wind.
Some guy with a beer gut clambers on in
And stumbled onto her so she was completely pinned.

The treachery was so sad, it sounded like a story.
The dude ignorant to the fatty’s suffering
While he sob’s next to his girl, still in naked glory.

To make a short story shorter,
The dude comes out and killed the fatty.
Tonight, the dude was a real charmer.

After all, the dude took to the beat of a different drummer.




For clarification, read the well done poem by Lullabyhearts in order to understand the parody. Thanks for the influence

[Phonoho]

Ah, she'll love you for this. Admit it, you're crushin' on her, right?

[Timmay]

lol. cmon phon. there's nothin like a doushebag (or if you can't find one, a Timmay)

[Timmay]

I think its funny, but should this thing kick the bucket?

[Phonoho]

Well, while poetry is not normally constrained by the same rules of grammar and punctuation as prose, a poetic parody should, at the very least, mimic the style and format of the original, if only to make it more identifiable as a parody. Your tercets have an aba rhyme scheme while hers have none. Hers begins and ends with the same line; yours does not. Your piece contains 17 lines; her poem contains 20. Hers is center aligned and yours is not. See what I mean?

[Timmay]

ya... hmm. ill edit it in. although the 17 lines was intentional. i fugired it made it a bit funnier
and i dissagree about the rhyme scheme. it adds a playful element to the poem. I think its safe many people will recognize this as a parody of and the violin played.

[squattaz]

its starts out poetic and ends quite flatly... sorry, just my impression.

[Timmay]

its supposed to =)

[squattaz]

Originally Posted by Timmay

its supposed to =)

ok, so maybe i should read it like a musical piece...

[LullabyHearts]

I'm not sure if I should take this as a compliment that you wrote a poem based off my poem...
...or insult...

I was happy it was you, someone I sort of know, other than someone else.
So...what made you want to do this?

[Timmay]

lol. it was just too morbid to pass up. trust me, its a compliment and insult at the same time. but at least i said sorry

[LullabyHearts]

I'm still not completely positive how I should respond to this all.
So lets go with:
Aw thanks
and
YOU FOOL!

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by LullabyHearts

I'm still not completely positive how I should respond to this all.
So lets go with:
Aw thanks
and
YOU FOOL!

It may have been more complimentary had he taken my suggestions to heart. Ah well, I tried. But then, he'd have to have one first.

[Timmay]

Originally Posted by Phonoho

It may have been more complimentary had he taken my suggestions to heart. Ah well, I tried. But then, he'd have to have one first.

me? work. im...im confused. what is happening. the room is shrinking

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by Timmay

me? work. im...im confused. what is happening. the room is shrinking

Neo, you took the wrong pill.

[Timmay]

huh. not the red or blue one, but the little pink one

[dearest]

Ha. Sorry Haruna, but I really did have to laugh at this one. Good idea, but I agree with Phonoho. It's not quite a true parody since it wasn't in the same style as the original. And I agree with you that your aba rhyme scheme does add bounce (which is nice in a humorous piece) but it takes the poem away from parody...And I really wish you would have added a bit more of the dramatic tone we got from And The Violin Played, which would really have (again)defined this as a parody. Ah well. Great idea, Timmay. I enjoyed it very much! ^_^

[Hirak]

how abt trying for an aba bcb.. rhyme? thats what i expected till i reached the second stanza.

And stumbled onto her so she was completely pinned.

This line is too long so the rhythm is lost here..

Hirak.