[Corneac]

Personification dipped
a long thin finger,
in the pussy of my poetry,

he then, wiggled it around,
missed the clitoris completely,
but at least he tried,

it drew pain – a gasp,
in my head,
and a neon sign that read
-“Blame, Blame, Blame”

the sign flickered orange
with the withdrawal of his hand,
he asked me how it felt,
he asked me if I came,
and as if in forced rhyme,
I lied,

he then licked his finger,
carefully,
and continued on,
personified

[Venomous Vixen]

Originally Posted by Corneac

Personification dipped
a long thin finger,
in the pussy of my poetry,

Well if that is not a grab you by the **** and suck you in kind of image I don't know what is! Thought you call it the "pussy of your poetry" it is still very graphic, (ahem, disclaimer!!) but then in a way just states it's touching the most vulnerable, secret part of your words.

he then, wiggled it around,
missed the clitoris completely,
but at least he tried,

I must say the "he" here was too my dislike... I think you could do without it altogether for "Personification" does not seem to be made male or female... does it? I don't know, that one word changes the image immensely in my mind. Though I did like the missed the clitoris part, fumbling around not sure what to do... yes... easy to relate to that is, ha especially the excuse of his lack of knowledge in the last line.

it drew pain – a gasp,
in my head,
and a neon sign that read
-“Blame, Blame, Blame”

Hmmm now here is another curve ball thrown in, the blame blame blame... all of the sudden you have gone from words and poetry to something much deeper... I think that is what makes this piece a bit overwhelming.

the sign flickered orange
with the withdrawal of his hand,
he asked me how it felt,
he asked me if I came,
and as if in forced rhyme,
I lied,

Again, it seems you went from something shocking and innocent, with the word "dipped" into something much more painful, abuse, shame, pain... the lies and confrontation... I really do wonder about this piece.

he then licked his finger,
carefully,
and continued on,
personified,

and then, it is like you shut down that dark place you were taken, wrap it back up with "him" again and personification. Forgive me if I am being too blunt here but sometimes it seems you hide behind the laws of english and poetry when you write, you write about them in ways but there are these flickers of something much deeper and darker there. I wonder if you did not shed the mask of things like "personificaction" and just wrote about the rest what would come out... I would love to see you unrestrained by what seems comfortable to you, and to really belt out a piece that leaves the reader a bit broken as well... this is already great as is... but I think you could make it a lot more powerful, something that leaves a reader just, stumped for lack of a better word.

[Storiesmaniac]

IM going to agree with the beautiful bri...this was a great poem chris, but with out the he references it could be even better....it just makes it too un-personified and more like a certain person...instead of any anyperson...hahaha if that makes sense...

the first stanza was brilliant....read it...laughed...read it again, thought about how deep it actually was and then read it again for good measure.

Like all your poetry this one is fantastic, but could do with a little touching up...

ps...did you mean to have a comma at the end of the poem?

[Corneac]

Yeah, me and my commas. hahaha. I think I'm gunna go back over this one. Thanks you two!

['Ginnis]

Oh wow, that was...uhm gripping. I know how you feel though and I think that there's kind of an even deeper metaphor/relation to feeling as if you're raped and abused by something that's not a person. Shut up, I'm slow.

[Corneac]

Hahahaha...thanks! I'm gunna work on this one, I'm glad it has potential.

[Venus]

Okay, first I would like to say what the hell do you think you are doing taking my spot as the dirty poem writing bad mouthed writer around here???

Next, I want to agree with my comrades on taking out the "he".

Next, I want to say I've missed your poetry so so so much and it's so great to hear some again. great job.

And lastly, It looks like you've forced me to come back since you are yet to fix your comma issue.

You know I'm going to go in and take out that last comma right?

[Corneac]

Awww she's back! Now write something dammit, oh and nice, where'd you get that sig from...a certain bootleg? Hmmm?. Nah, but thanks a lot. Appreciate it a ton. Glad to see you back.

[Venus]

Yes yes. that was your bootleg I stole it from. BUT, now I have it legally as well on the Hamburg legal bootleg. lol.

[Corneac]

hahahahahaha...ye! I wanan get that one...when I get a real job..