[Jayna]

From my lips flow words of sorrow
at the madness of the world.

Hate, Pride and Fear
Our sweetest songs are songs of sadness
If, even if, we were beings born not
to shed a tear
As if heaven overflowed showering us
with bright melodies of blessings in the rain

Still, we would not hear the joy, all the earth
and the air could bring
We hardly see each other's faces
let alone hear words of grace

The world should listen as I am listening
now.

Delightful sounds better than all treasures
I hear, but from my lips flow words of sadness
at the madness of the world so near.

[The Druid]

beautiful!

[Jayna]

Thank u.

lovely...you have a real talent

[Intrinsic]

How true that the madness is always so near.
luckily for the world thier are poets
who with a few well chosen words,
can elequently describe and even liberate,
if only for a brief moment the sadness and madness of life.

[rjd_39]

enchanting and mesmorizing

[Jayna]

thank u both rjd 39 and intrinsic

[Ravane]

Wow, awesome. I'm not exactly sure if it was supposed to rhyme or not, but if it was, then it's is slightly off. But otherwise, it's really good.

[CryCandice]

Very beautiful, I feel the same way.

If this is supposed to rhyme, you should reword it a little bit in the larger paragraph. But this seems more like prose to me, so I'd advise you to fix the parts where you set apart a few, small words that rhyme with fear. It sort of interrupts the order of things, and distracts the reader from the message that you're trying to get across.

[Jayna]

THank u both for your comments. I will make some changes.

[Lubesh]

I on the otherhand think and assume you didint set out to form a set pattern, which your are free to do...also your subtle rhymes makes a pattern dotted to compliment your main body..nothing wrong with non rhyme Jayna dont be a slave to rhyme also. This by the way was a very ncie write.

Nice internal rhymes here

Delightful sounds better than all treasures
I hear, but from my lips flow words of sadness
at the madness of the world so near.

[Jayna]

Thank u Lubesh

[Phonoho]

As if heaven overflowed showering us

Something in me wants a poetic contraction here (and comma, here and elsewhere), but not for some silly syllable counting purpose. Moments like this just seem to highlight themselves to me, oddly, like seeing a peculiar lily in a field of weeds. I guess it just seems to me like the poetic center of the piece.
You range through all emotions in this, a sort of asymmetrical metaphor that somehow remains balanced in spite of its scattered structure. A little mad and to the point, but what have I learned that I did not already know?

[Jayna]

Originally Posted by Phonoho

... like seeing a peculiar lily in a field of weeds. I guess it just seems to me like the poetic center of the piece.
You range through all emotions in this, a sort of asymmetrical metaphor that somehow remains balanced in spite of its scattered structure. A little mad and to the point,...

i'm gald that you feel this way about my poem. I want to scatter the readers mind in one poem but still remain true and to the point. thank u Phonoho for understand and enjoying my poem.