[psycosis]

There is a shortage of those feelings,
one's you can't explain
The ones that take you to a new plateau
and when they subside you can feel your body drain
Like the first time you see her naked
and the anticipation builds inside
or the first time he touches you
ending the inclination to run and hide
Then as you place your hands on her
you feel like this night you are king
or as he lightly kisses your neck
and your ears begin to ring
Its that longing to feel her tighten
and move with each caress
Its that power running through you
when on your stomach you feel his breath
You never want it to end
but like everything it must
and you slowly start to drain
from the force of that rush
Now here's where it gets tricky
because its never the same again
So you look for other lovers
to help you feel the ultimate sin
That drug is addictive
and it drives you insane
Just to feel it one more time
in hopes of relieving the pain
So as to why people cheat
I think you can finally see
They are addicted to that drug
and cant seem to break free

[psycosis]

Just doing a little reflecting......Hope it doesnt offend anyone

[Cradenburg]

So you used(x being a reference to any rhyme):
(Rhyme x part1)
unrhyming heap
(Rhyme x part2)

I like how you compare "Making Love" to a "Drug" that gets you hooked(Hopefully you're not on it, lol. Binge *fill in relavant activity* can lead to STDs) I believe your intention of this poem was to... hm... try to justify why people cheat? Interesting

Description was very vivid, forced upon me some nostalgia of me 'ol past.

Also liked how you switched perspective from male to woman and back, showing how this affects both genders.

However, I dont get why "in hopes of relieving the pain" pain was used here? Alright, the ensuing pain is tormenting but I think the essence of *fill in relavant activity* is in feeling pleasure, love. But that's my humble opinion though.

Enjoyed it though, eventually

EH.... Omg... what is wrong with this system?!
All I did was to edit a message and it turns my rating to all 1s... when I gave no ratings...
And now I cant change the ratings...

Sorry psycosis...

Read it through once, and loved it immediately. You've expressed this subject very simply, and I can honestly say you've done an excellent job of portraying the feelings of almost every man and woman. Ok, so some are more susceptible to the idea of cheating than others, but the metaphor 'Drug' describes it almost perfectly.

I agree with cradenburg, switching between the perspectives worked very well indeed. This way, it's not like your writing from just one point of view. This way I think it appeals to everybody.

I like your rhyming, flowed nicely when I read it. I know it works when I don't have to go back a line to make sure I got the meaning. This one never did that for me. It carrys a good rhythm (but I think punctuation is needed, as I say to most people who don't do it).

The only thing that threw me was the very last line, you completely change the way you right by reversing your line strucure to rhyme that last word 'hook' with 'look'. It makes perfect sense, but sort of puts the flow off. Because it's the very last line I think can forgive it though

I can relate to alot of your descriptions in top half of the poem (i'm not one for cheating though, lol). You've captured the way it feels in very few words, which I think is very well done.

Normally not a fan of one long stanza if there's this many lines, but for some reason I like this one.

Oh, and you should never worry about offending anyone with stuff like this I enjoyed it, and thought it was very well written psycosis. top marks from me.

[Syrah]

I agree with Duncan on many points here....

I like how you switched from male to female perspectives. It brings in a wider audience and is well written to where it doesn't lose any substantiability in the poem.

I am not one for one long stanza... but this one worked. Well, I might add.

I've never cheated on anybody--so the rush and everything you are speaking of is a little lost on me, but I understand the concept and it is well brought to light for those who haven't had that experience.

One more thing.... hook and look really do throw off the rhythm. Might be worth playing around with that last line--because you want to end with a bang... not a huh?

Well written piece with great flow.

honestly syrah, you just said what I said

[Syrah]

pretty much. But I said it for myself LoL.

[moggzy]

Great work psycosis.
I agree with Cradenburg, the duel perspective is a good idea when done well, and you pulled it off.

good flow, imagery and description.

well done.

[psycosis]

I am really glad that everyone liked this one.....I was just clearing out my head one day

[RENA HANDS]

Most creative, unique. The rhythm is very good, but the poem needs a few correction of the punctuation kind. Have you written poems professionally? The last line seems out of place. The poem is still very good and leaves adulterers to question their reasons(s) for cheating.

[psycosis]

Thank you Rena

[BookWhale***]

It was interesting...

It takes on a whole new prospective. Usually the writer is the one who got cheated on.

[psycosis]

Duncan and syrah.....thank you both for the insight....I have changed the end....tell me what you think

[psycosis]

Originally Posted by BookWhale***

It was interesting...

It takes on a whole new prospective. Usually the writer is the one who got cheated on.

thank you bookwhale.....glad you enjoyed it