It's an unfortunate reality that socio-politcal pieces are seriously underreviewed. So,to remedy the situation, here I am! ^_^
This is great; the words all sort of run together, creating this hectic, hurried feeling that puts the reader right into the battle zone. Prime example:
Quote:
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Now amped for action trigger-happy ready and wound
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Excellent. My only gripe with this one would be the flow. Acutally, until the last stanza, the maturity of the flow really impressed me. Even though there was no particular syllable count or rhythm, it just
works. Flow was spot on right until I hit that last stanza. Flow is such a hard thing to critique, because I can't really offer many comcrete suggestions, it just feels off when read aloud. Try reading it aloud and you might see what I mean. Well, since this was posted quite a while ago, I don't know if you have any interest in revamping it now ^_^ but if you do, that's where to start. Well, this was excellent and deserves many more reviews than it received. Brilliant work.
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"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone." –Audrey Hepburn