[tarotwolf]

From the earth that once was my tomb
As promised I arise
To reign again another year
And brighten summer skies

As youth I dance upon the green
And fertilize the seed
As man I battle and I hunt
To satisfy your need

When I am old and harvest is done
Cut me then quickly down
And bury again in sacred earth
Thus Nature’s wheel turns round

[Venomous Vixen]

I really enjoyed this piece. The rhyme did not seemed forced here which seems hard for a lot of people to do. This is packed full of some great imagery as well, the brightened skies, the hunt and harvest, and then again to fall back into the ground. Really, no flaws I can find, just a great piece of writing.

[DarkPower]

I like the idea behind the whole poem however I think having a little more rhythm if not rhyme to convey it would be best. It doesn't flow as it could.

welcome to the site and keep the participation up

[dearest]

A very enjoyable read. Rhyme was quite good; very free-flowing and unforced. Imagery and word choice were also very striking. Well done! My one problem would be, as pointed out by DarkPower, the flow. It seemed a little off at points. One line was too short compared to others, or too long to create that perfect rhythm. Nothing major, just a minor bump here and there that could use a little revision. Other than that, amazing work. Thanks for writing, and I look forward to seeing more from you!

[tarotwolf]

Originally Posted by DarkPower

I think having a little more rhythm if not rhyme to convey it would be best. It doesn't flow as it could.

I totally agree! This was actually a tune that was rattling around in my head for a day or two before I put it to paper. I can't write music but with timing of the tune helped the flow a wee bit. There in lies the issue with some song lyrics being written as poetry.

I very much appreciate your feed back. This is the first forum (other than my friends, my church and family) that I've exposed my work to. Validation from outside opinions feels pretty damn good!

[tarotwolf]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

I really enjoyed this piece. The rhyme did not seemed forced here which seems hard for a lot of people to do. This is packed full of some great imagery as well, the brightened skies, the hunt and harvest, and then again to fall back into the ground. Really, no flaws I can find, just a great piece of writing.

:bows humbly:

Thank you. I don't picture myself a poet, most of what I write is more an effort to voice some of my pagan beliefs. My friends and family are working on convincing me that I'm wrong about that.

[Venomous Vixen]

Well you have a way with words, and honestly the rhythm worked well for me. I read it aloud a few times but did not stumble, but I guess we all read a bit differently. Welcome to the site by the way!

[RENA HANDS]

From the earth that once was my tomb
As promised I arise
To reign again another year
And brighten summer skies

I not applaud the first stanza but I bow down to its great exquisiteness.

[crackdaddy]

awesome!!!!!