MemberPanel

ourSponsors

Google
   


Notices


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 30-08-2007, 02:08 PM
SeaN's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 976
Total Points: 13,278.12
SeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary member
Broken Candles

I revolve around
these broken candles...
bleeding wax on a
pale table cloth

I move in between
the drips and drops
these spots of humanity
burn marks and holes

I swap this wisdom
for dime bags and papers
for humility and peace
and purity and hope

I lose myself
in words and phrases...
those caviler glances
a hazel-eyed gaze

I'll cut you off
before you get close
for I don't know myself
and I don't know you

I'd love to hold
my heart in my hands
and squeeze until
it stops.

Last edited by SeaN; 30-08-2007 at 04:14 PM.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 30-08-2007, 02:44 PM
Jess1016's Avatar
Regular Reader
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: San Fransico CA
Posts: 47
Total Points: 213.00
Jess1016 is a regular around hereJess1016 is a regular around here
Re: Broken Candles

This is a really Awsomly discriptive poem. I love the metaphone, although, like much of poetry, i dont understand it all. But the wax that symbolizes firey knowlege and how its almost a barganing chip for a drug or a high is a really cool concept. Interesting stuff sean.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 30-08-2007, 02:50 PM
Storiesmaniac's Avatar
Mr. Wonderful
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: australia
Posts: 2,153
Total Points: 24,117.22
Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!Storiesmaniac is so hot right now!
Send a message via MSN to Storiesmaniac
Re: Broken Candles

Wow sean im talking to you...and...im reading you poem...i feel special...lol...Hahah na mate this is a great poem the metaphores are amazing, but then again you always have this great way about your words, they are captiviating and amazing. This poem is no exception, great work.
__________________
Join
A
Challenge

Today!


Or i'll kill you
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 30-08-2007, 10:54 PM
Venus's Avatar
Editor
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Albany, IN
Posts: 433
Total Points: 938.00
Venus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary memberVenus is an Honorary member
Send a message via MSN to Venus Send a message via Yahoo to Venus
Re: Broken Candles

Wow. I don't think I've read much of your work, but if they compare this poem, I am really missing out. Your use of metephor creates a vivid image that truly brings your words to life and creates a wonderful mood. Nice work man.
__________________
I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 31-08-2007, 01:17 AM
Venomous Vixen's Avatar
The Cat's Meow
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 4,169
Total Points: 325,047.81
Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!
Send a message via MSN to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Yahoo to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Skype™ to Venomous Vixen
Re: Broken Candles

Oh WOW Sean, this is just incredible... geez! The candle turned metephor at the beginning really hooked me, and then "I swap wisdom for dime bags and papers" just simply brilliant... and then the end... perfect. I noticed something here that I have not seen before, you held nothing back. This one was like a tiny glimpse into your soul and I loved that... great work!
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 31-08-2007, 02:44 AM
Corneac's Avatar
Amateur Kid Poet
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,132
Total Points: 383,225.77
Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!Corneac is so hot right now!
Send a message via MSN to Corneac
Re: Broken Candles

Great metaphors, so perfectly rounded. <Mine are always shoddy and miscalculated...yours a perfect...carried through. Nice Sean, great rhythm, great imagery...and like Bri...an inner glimpse there. Great piece.
__________________
I like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction,
Underdogs with good intentions
Amputees with stamp collections

-So Nice, So Smart
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 31-08-2007, 03:05 AM
SeaN's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 976
Total Points: 13,278.12
SeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary member
Re: Broken Candles

wow I'm shocked! Thanks allot for all the great comments everybody!

Jess: don't feel too bad- I don't even understand all of it lol

Tim: Quite a set on compliments man- I thank you. haha yeah must have been weird reading and skyping at the same time.

Venus: Thank you kindly! I'm glad you like it! (btw I have been reading your story faithfully! Just haven't had too much time to comment recently. Really getting interesting!)

Bri: Thanks for pressing for the stream of consciousness folder!! I think you are right; I almost saw this as a journal entry so it allowed me to open up a bit more I think; instead of over-preparing my words.

Corneac: shoddy and miscalculated!?! You're crazy man! I'm not joking at all when I say I've learned a great deal from your style of writing. Your words have influenced me as a writer in many subtle ways; and I think this poem is a good example of that. Thanks for the compliments man!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 16-09-2007, 09:27 AM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 6,231
Total Points: 38,834.25
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: Broken Candles

I missed this....free flowing like wax almost and heated with some personal elements ...Nicely written by the way lol
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE,
1000 - TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC
CFPC
1000-Word Challenge
Limerick
ToTM
EMWE
GQC
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 18-09-2007, 07:57 AM
RENA HANDS's Avatar
SM 's Roving Reviewer - Want a review then PM me.
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,955
Total Points: 11,145.92
RENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary memberRENA HANDS is an Honorary member
Thumbs up Re: Broken Candles

Ingenious, very original.
__________________
Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?


Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 21-09-2007, 12:38 PM
nightcharmer's Avatar
Idiosyncratic Desperado
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 248
Total Points: 422.00
nightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the sitenightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the sitenightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the sitenightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the sitenightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the sitenightcharmer shows enthusiasm for the site
Re: Broken Candles

Need you get that emo? Haha. Awesome piece. And nice title.
__________________
When you think you have lost something, it is usually still with you. - Taxi Driver wisdom
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2007, 11:08 AM
SeaN's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 976
Total Points: 13,278.12
SeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary memberSeaN is an Honorary member
Re: Broken Candles

Thanks Lu, Rena and NC!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:17 AM. vBulletin Skin by ForumMonkeys. Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
Advertisement System V2.1 By   Branden
Copyright © 1999 - 2008, StoriesMania.Net


Love Systems | The Attraction Forums | Savoy

Personal Car Finance | Loans | Loans | Credit Cards UK | RealEstate Agent