[DarkPower]

I sit in a room
with walls all around
How I got here is lost
Never to be found

Spots in my memory
my heart now seems cold
My blood pumps within me
But this feeling, it's old

When I speak I can't listen
my words come out wrong
no one notices as of yet
but will that last long?

Some things don't quite register
My eyesight doesn't let me see
It's not just figurative,
is this still me?

[LullabyHearts]

How I got here is lost

this line for me really stopped the flow for me. I really enjoyed this poem overall, but this one line. I think if you used another word other then lost, it'll be fine.

[WorldWarCheese]

Well played, sir. I'm not a big poetry buff and sort of decided to come look since there wasn't a prose SoC section and I find this interesting poem. First off: It rhymed, points in my book.

Second, well, how does one judge SoC anyways? Either way, it was fun to read.

[Ryankia]

Another wonderful piece dearie! Quite good.

But LH had a good point. The word "lost" really broke off the line for me. And there were a couple of other places where there were words which just seemed to stop the piece. Might need to read this one through a few times hun

Oh - and WWC just called you a sir - might want to make sure that doesn't happen again ^.~

[DarkPower]

oh be nice to me people, its in the amateur section for a reason right? I almost see what yall mean for that line but I find that I can overlook it sense its more of a learning poem... personal and all that business.

Thank you all three of you though. WWC, i am a female... so it would have been nice of you to say miss... or ma'am... or even... Great Queen of storiesmania... any of those would fit well. lol. Dont worry though, it happens often, people mistaking me for a man, god knows why.

Ryankia thank you of course, you always seem to pick up on when people call me a guy. So nice of you to point their mistakes out to them.

Good question though WWC, how do you judge SOC... well you judge it like anything else, after all you dont have to always judge what the writer says just how they say it.

[Ryankia]

Gotta take care of my girl! ~huggles~

[Corneac]

Gotta take care of my girl! ~huggles~

Oh god. No wonder they think you're a guy.

[Lubesh]

I missed this..just at the time i left for bit..so glad i read ur other stuff! sorry but your rhyming seems contrived and as i said i have read much better from you ....even with the learning process as u say....yrs ago i read better stuff. But ur experimenting or learning..stop itlol ok i am off again till u calm down i bet lol

[DarkPower]

thanks ryankia... I think...

Corneac, shut up.

And lubesh, i am in a good mood after writing another poem so I forgive you. This time at least. And you are right, it is a bit forced but then I still say its alright, I suffered and put it in the amateur section because of that.

[Lubesh]

Fair point sir, but it still made me check where ur new stuff was...this although in amateur and experiment isnt dp oki shut up now.

PS I am tired but anyway these r compliments. hugeo ones

[Corneac]

Sorry sir...hahahaha

[Ryankia]

hugeo ones

Ahhhhhh LOL Gotta love Ani's vocab when she tired!

[Lubesh]

Well, hugo is acar so huge-o, o bugger it lol

[DarkPower]

... whats this people spamming? at least thats how i am going to take it.

and anita, I need special skills to decipher your typing lol, I think we all do actually.

[Ryankia]

Patience and practice DP - and yes it is spamming, but at least its in your poem :p

[Lubesh]

yeah me too....huge (hugeo here in the UK) yes we r weird

ok back to topic and less spamming ahem.

[DarkPower]

yes before I delete all of my new posts... I dont want to though because it adds to my post count, so instead I will go do dishes.