[Corneac]

instant tears,
that’s what poetry brings,
come on, I can play the pied piper,
and I’ll take you to Candy Mountain,
we can colour love by numbers,
but you’ll connect the dots,
a hazelnut heart for you,
and a striped candy cane for me,
and you’ll follow my tune once more,
for you connected them wrong,
one to eight,
eight to my song,
because the dots always lead back to me,

[Venomous Vixen]

pride rears it's ugly head, "always leads back to me", cocky and a smack in the face. The idea behind this was well executed though for personal reasons I hate it

[smokeytehmonstr]

So...based on the cocky attitude described by Vixen, I'm not entirely sure some of your final lines make sense. You write:

for you connected them wrong,
one to eight,
eight to my song,
because the dots always lead back to me

The line "for you connected them wrong" gives me the impression that the subject of your poem is wrong for being with you because she connected the dots "one to eight/eight to my song". Just wondering if that's the correct interpretation.

I loved the playfulness of the poem, though. It has a dancing quality to it, like there should be some beguiling little ditty playing in the background as you read it. In that regard, the poem's quite successful.

[Corneac]

Thanks mate. Yeah...it doesn't make much sense I guess...just sort of fell our of my pocket. That line was more...the person was wrong becuase they tried to get away or make sense of waht they keep doing, but regardless, they were led back to me. Yeah.

Thanks again!

[smokeytehmonstr]

Haha I see that too...either one works.

[Jayna]

I thought that your poem was good but it needs a little help on the ending.
you wrote:

Originally Posted by Corneac

for you connected them wrong,
one to eight,
eight to my song,
because the dots always lead back to me

Just guessing that this will help the ending

for you are connected to me,
one to eight,
eight to me
because the dots always lead you back to me

hope this help and again great poem

[RENA HANDS]

Did u mean, ‘but you’ll (need) to connect the dots,?)

The original after a third read seems abrupt without it.

What about...once more you’ll follow my tune
and a striped candy cane for me,
once more you’ll follow my tune

I don’t most of the meanings/symbolisms behind the ‘poem,’ itself, but the imagery was well developed by ur selection of vocabulary. I haven’t thought of Candy Land in some time...lol So for the understood imagery and the bewilderment of idea(s), I’ll rate ur posting 4 of 5.

As always, feel free to ignore my suggestions/thoughts of any possible rewrite. Afterall, they are simply (my) insights of the matter...lol