[Corneac]

If hints were stones,
they’d be dropping fast,

my kidney, doubled over,
skidding on the passing,.
of the gravel underfoot,

but hints aren’t stones
that fall with a drop,
they float, like a feather,
off, in the air,
wafting…never, never, never

[RENA HANDS]

skidding on the passing,.

(You have a comma and period)

What about adding “like a feather”?

I have never had Kidney stones, but I hear they are a b*tch to deal with especially in the passing through the body.

The shortness of this write went straight to your point leaving an unforgettable image in one’s mind.

wafting…never, never, never

I really enjoyed that reminds of ‘The Raven.’ You know the mocking and teasing of something so simple and natural.

[Corneac]

Thanks you guys. It's not too good, I haven't really been writing, so it's good to get back into the game. Thanks for the advice! Fixed it up a bit.

[Lubesh]

Nice and a message or just observational metaphor, either way goodone!

[Corneac]

Hahaha...thanks Lu! I'm not sure what it is...but ti felt good to egt it down on paper..

[Phonoho]

passing,.

One of those is a booger, I'm sure of it. Hints are the focus here, not so much the stones. I'm wondering how the speaker's kidney is involved. Drink more water.

[Corneac]

Thanks Junior...yeah, have to fix that, I know, doesn't make much sense. But I'm just happy I'm writing...good writing will come. Cheers mate.

[RENA HANDS]

Another re-read still makes me smile to think of the Raven tormenting the ‘man.’

And u still have not made a decision whether or not to delete or keep the comma and or period together here...

skidding on the passing,.

Tiss, tiss...lol I will however give a rating 4 of 5.

An inquiry now that I think of it...Kidney’s don’t

Does this imply that u r speaking of only One Kidney? U are aware that most human bodies, carry two? Unless there has been a transplant involved, then wouldn’t the title most appropriately be ‘Kidneys’ don’t?’