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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2008, 07:44 AM
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The Place of Forgotten Things

I have a feeling
That my lost car keys, pens,
tissues, checkbook, pocket change,
and last winter’s sweaters
have all disappeared
through the rip
in my pocket into a hole in the ocean,
the destination of all forgotten things
I think that Shaun and his blonde hair may too
have just slipped through
into the hole in the ocean where I left him last summer,
but it’s just a feeling
and things like memories and oceans
are never certain
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Old 07-04-2008, 12:43 PM
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Thumbs up Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

How brilliantly clever!

I loved every word and idea illustrated.

I rate this 5/5!
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Old 08-04-2008, 07:23 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Glad you like it! It was just a stray thought, but I'm kind of happy with how it turned out. ^_^
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The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
-Carl Sandburg

Last edited by dearest; 08-04-2008 at 09:51 AM.
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Old 08-04-2008, 07:45 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Very nice, it was beautifully written.
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Old 08-04-2008, 09:50 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Thanks Eva. ^_^
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The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
-Carl Sandburg
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Old 10-04-2008, 03:39 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

That was nicely written, word for word it was just interesting, and captivating. Ideal illustration as Rena said. Good job Fire!
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Last edited by Rain; 14-05-2008 at 03:46 AM.
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Old 10-04-2008, 03:43 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

To me, this is the definition of "stream of consciousness." Very free-flowing, nice imagery. Top-notch, Tricia.
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Old 10-04-2008, 03:46 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Rena used the perfect word, clever. I like you little list and I specially love your ending. Very well done.
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Old 10-04-2008, 07:24 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Thanks guys. ^_^ It really means a lot that you take time and review. You are truly appreciated.
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The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
-Carl Sandburg
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Old 10-04-2008, 08:49 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Great Imagery. It was very interesting. I've read a few of your poems and liked them all so far.
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Old 13-05-2008, 10:01 PM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

I love the subtle rhyme between "too" and "through," as well as the ocean imagery. The closing lines are quite powerful.
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Old 14-05-2008, 03:28 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Oh, this is so nice; I'm glad someone brought this up front again. I enjoyed it even more this time around. Like floating down a stream in an inner tube; very peaceful and relaxing. Tricia, you have such a way with words. Super job.
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Old 14-05-2008, 07:22 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Thanks guys, and glad to see the account is finally working smokey. ^_^ Still love that username.
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The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
-Carl Sandburg
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Old 14-05-2008, 06:42 PM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

Hehe, Tricia, it's about time you became a little unquiet. If you remain quiet too long, I'll forget to read your stories and poems, and I won't come across marvellous little ditties like these. What a wonderfully clever way of writing indeed!
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Old 18-05-2008, 07:34 AM
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Re: The Place of Forgotten Things

I'm really glad SM has a 'stream of consciouness' folder- I love catching little glimpses of how people think, as you have done here. Really good stuff Tricia- I like it! Line four is great- I love how you round out your list of daily odds-and-ends with 'last years sweaters'. ha. I think everyone has trouble finding those come fall. Last two lines are perfect as well! Nice work.
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