[superbum]

This is based on the House of Leaves take on Minos and the minotaur, not much adult content but I figured I'd use the tag to attract people

Daedalus stood at the rear of the cheering mob that filled the market square. From his vantage point he could see not only the pitiful King standing on the marble platform, but the witless horde applauding through his sorrow.

What a despicable sorrow it was, King Minos actually crying for the loss of that monster. His speech lead the crowd to believe they were tears of joy, but Daedalus was not fooled. King Minos’ mourning brought back memories of the “minotaur,” particularly the first time he had set eyes on it. It had been sitting on the ground in the King’s study, mocking the play of a real child, making a wooden horse figurine prance around itself, all the while with a disfigured little smile on it's face, it still sent shivers down his back. Daedalus remembered how the King had consistently called the little monster by it’s name, Asterion, like it were human. Daedalus would have dispatched of it as soon as it breeched the womb if it had been his.

Daedalus smirked when Minos was forced to introduce Thesus as a hero, that must kill him inside. But Thesus was not the hero, he could no more have killed the minotaur on his own than he could tie his sandals alone. Despite that, there he was soaking up the glory, when in reality it was Daedalus that had killed the beast. It was the first time his mind had come to that conclusion, and he reaffirmed it: It was ME that killed the minotaur.

Thesus took the stage to much applause, but Daedalus had no desire to listen to the imbecile struggle to coherently string words together, to describe a valiant fight, which hadn’t taken place. Daedalus instead started following the narrow corridors of Crete, which had been his inspiration for the labyrinth, to his home and family. The thought of his family made him irate, he had chosen his wife for her beauty alone, but her womb had dulled the wits of his two sons. For this he punished her, he ravished her in their bed, where she sobbed before the release of his wrath. He would spray her reminding her that she’s nothing more than a common whore with whom you’d not risk bearing fruit.

When he opened the door to his home he noticed the conspicuous lack of his sons. His eldest son, Iapyx, was no doubt out feebly attempting to woo women, and would end the night settling for some prostitute, but where was Icarus?

His wife answered the unasked question, “Icarus is out working in your workshop.” and Daedalus silently finished her sentence: vainly attempting to build something that will impress me.

He examined her more closely, it was her fault, he caressed her, tonight was going to hurt. She knew it, there was fear in her wide eyes and he relished it.

Without warning the door burst open. Iapyx? Daedalus spun around, uniforms, swords, guards. Guards at his house was not unusual, but usually there was a knock, and a pleasant request, there was something wrong. The first guard to enter held a piece of parchment, the contents of which he revealed without emotion, “By order of King Minos the master craftsman Daedalus, and his apprentice and son Icarus are to be arrested and taken to the King’s private quarters for sentencing.”

Half a dozen guards had entered his home while the first had read from the parchment, two had already seized and bound him. Daedalus looked to his wife, and saw relief on her face, rage welled up inside of him, he wanted to break free and beat her, the word whore screamed inside his head. That was ridiculous, he was being arrested on some unfathomable charge, and all he wanted to do was brutalize his wife, he felt a moments remorse for the way he treated her, until he reminded himself of their inadequate spawn. He once again became resolute over her punishment.

Icarus appeared from the workshop, bound and surrounded by four guards. Something fell from his hand when he saw his father was also bound. Something he had worked hard on, something he had hoped would impress the man whose shadow he would live out his life in. Something inadequate.

Daedalus and his son Icarus were led to the king’s study. The place where Daedalus had been commissioned to build the labyrinth. The place where 20 years ago Daedalus had first set eyes on the little monster Minos called Asterion, who played with a little horse figurine that so resembled his own children’s toys it made him sick.

King Minos was not doing anything when they were escorted into the room, he was surely aware of their arrival, but merely continued to stare blankly at his desk.

A guard addressed the King, “Here is Daedalus and his son Icarus, as you requested.”

Without looking up the King responded, “Thank you, you are excused. All of you.”

The guards silently exited, the last one gently closing the door behind him, queued by the door Minos spoke, still looking at his desk, “When I commissioned the construction of the labyrinth 20 years ago it was understood that it’s purpose was the security of Asterion,” Daedalus replaced his name with abomination in his mind, “as much as the security of my throne. You betrayed that purpose when you helped that brute overcome it’s complexity. For that you and your son will spend the rest of your lives in my dungeon.” the king paused as if waiting for a response, then looked Daedalus in the eye for the first time, “I found Asterion in his bed with his head nearly severed completely from his body. Thesus murdered him as he slept.”

Daedalus burst, “That monster deserved to die!”

King Minos remained calm and merely shifted his gaze to Icarus, “May you share my fate, at your own hands.” Minos rang a bell and the guards reentered and escorted Daedalus and Icarus out.

[RENA HANDS]

I think in this matter, you need to capitalize King.

What about...but the witless horde cheering through his sorrow.? (Not too certain about using cheering a second time, maybe something a bit stronger?)?

What about...What a despicable sadness it was to see King Minos crying over the loss of that monster. (I think you need a period here and not a comma.)

I will mention that you have capitalized King Minos in second paragraph, first long sentence after. Perhaps consider rewriting some of your sentences.

Maybe...The beast had lived under a cavernous labyrinth under the King’s study. He had treated it like a child carving a wooden horse for it to play with.

Had Daedalus actually seen the minotaur with his own eyes? I ask this because of the smile reference that you make.

What about...How disgusting was it that the King dared to give it human quality...he gave it a name, Asterion!?

Would Daedalus even had the opportunity to be involved in such a making of monsterocity? Maybe...Daedalus would’ve dismembered it as was being brought/birthed into the world.?

Maybe...Daedalus smirked watching the forced Minos to introduce Thesus, ‘a hero.’? Consider also showing Daedalus kicking at the ground lightly as he relishes the truth of Thesus then kicking hard out/up his foot, cringing his face as he screams mentally, ‘I killed the beast/minotaur!’?

Maybe..Daedalus rather strolled off towards the dark and narrow corridors of Crete. Again, I am suggesting watch your sentences. Change them; alter them to give a vibrancy to your story.

What about...For this he punished her; ravished her in their bed where she sobbed before the release of his wrath. He would spray her reminding her that she’s nothing more than a common whore with whom you’d not risk bearing fruit.?

Maybe...Approaching cautiously, his wife answered, ‘Icarus is in your workshop.’ Smiling smugly Daedalus interrupted raising his hand, ‘vainly attempting to build something that would impress me?’?

Maybe...He examined her more closely, ‘it was her fault,’ (Italicize this thought.) ‘Tonight she would pay for her insolence.’ (Again, italicize here?) He caressed/wrapped her curls, there was fear here...in her wide eyes he relished it.?

Maybe...Without a warning, the front door burst open.?

I think there is a different, more lively/active approach to address the illustration of Daedalus’ arrest. The same is true to introducing Icarus’ own arrest.

Maybe...The imprisonment/cell where twenty years ago he, Daedalus had first laid eyes on the beast, Asterion. It who had played with a wooden horse figurine. A toy that the King had lavished upon it.?

Why not show instead a guard or group there of pushing Daedalus and his son to their King as he ‘stares blankly at his desk.’?

You need to capitalize I think in this circumstances, King.

You need to end the speech here with comma and or a period...the security of Asterion.

I think adding some more physical attributes to your characters as their fates are being dicated would be appropriate. The King who once was sad by his loss, now relishes in the pleasures of Daedalus’ suffering. He will know, watch perhaps the execution of Icarus then of himself?


A very dark and eerie tale. I think you need to re-examine not only your sentences in length, but its verb executions too.

[superbum]

I've got to go to work in literally a min so I can;t edit now, I just want to say that in this interpretation the minotaur is merely the king's deformed son, not a monster. Thank you for your suggestions though, I will follow up

[superbum]

I took most of your suggestions, I don't think some applied since the monster was no monster, and I need to look at others when I have more time, since I'm right at 1000 words.

I'm not advanced enough to know what you mean by verb execution, could you maybe give me an example.

[RENA HANDS]

The ‘monster/minotaur’ is the King’s son!? Wow! I need to read more of these Greek myths, but this isn’t my point…

King Minos allowed Asterion, his ‘son’ to roam about freely doing whatever monstrous thing without no punishment until finally he could no longer protect him. As the villagers are pushed to their boiling point, they pursue this creature? Was he ever caught or was simply ‘trained’ by experience to return to the layer? These are just a few of more questions…

I’m going to standby until explained further (even by an editor), my original thoughts at least where capitalization is questionable.

[superbum]

In the original myth the minotaur is the spawn of the queen and a bull. In this story I'm saying that the minotaur is just a badly deformed child, not a monster at all. In ancient Greece it would have been seen as a weakness to have a deformed child, so he accuses his wife of intercourse with a bull. He then imprisons his son in a place that does him no harm, and protects him from the cruelty of the world.

I went through and capitalized all the Kings, I didn't realize how many I had missed while writing it. I do intend to heed more of your advice there are I think 5 or 6 suggestions I don't want to implement, all but one of those having to do with the minotaur being human. The other where he answers his wife smugly, in my mind he blames all his son's inadequacies on his wife, and doesn't hold them against his sons, that line makes it sound like he's looking down on them.

[RENA HANDS]

Groovy! All the rewrite and explanations (though not needed) read/sound good to me. But please remember, that you never have to take into any consideration anything that I type and or think, suggest also...

[Peppy]

It's kind of sad, this tale. The King "loved" his son but was betrayed by Daedalus. This piece was pessimistic to me, the whole thought of ignorance is corruptable. But it's in nature to shun what seems un-natural.

This is a good piece. I had to read it a second time to fully understand it, but it was worth it. Good work, SB.

it’s

I saw many of these. When pronouns are possessive, they don’t gain an apostrophe.

By order of King Minos(,) the master craftsman(,) Daedalus, and his apprentice and son(,) Icarus(,) are to be arrested and taken to the King’s private quarters for sentencing.

There were many missing commas missing in the piece, you should try using you inner voice to see if there’s a pause. Usually, when there’s a pause, there’s a comma.

…and all he wanted to do was brutalize his wife, he felt a moment(')s remorse for the way he treated her.

[Jimbalaya]

This is actually kind of intense for the length. It's hard to explain myself, it drew me in immediately and I couldn't stop reading it. I was surprised at the extreme dislike I had for Daedalus. He's kind of a dick, and I think he deserved whatever happened to him. I wasn't clear on the ending, but that's probably just me. I'll read it again when I get some sleep. Great job!

[superbum]

His son is Icarus, they get sent to prison and Deadalus makes wax wings so they could escape, and Icarus' melt because he flies too close to the sun. I'm sure you've heard it before, this is a prelude to that.