My feet kick up dirt, covering my lower legs with smudges. The twigs and leaves crackle beneath my toes as I run through the dense forest. Slowing down, I approach the house with apprehension. The air has a chill, and I realize there is a void of sound. No wind, no rustling… where are all the birds? The utter stillness bates my breath to stop, for each breath I take is like a scream. Little petals fall to the earth like silent glitter falling from the forest canopy flitting through rays of sun poking through.
Wait! What was that? Did something move? I swear I heard rustling, but where? Whatever it was, it did not linger, for the still silence returned like a wet blanket smothering the land. I know my hearing is just fine, but I am starting to doubt whether my memory is. When did I leave the path? And from what path did I stray? If one this is resolute, I know I mustn’t be dreaming. I can’t be, or at least I am- sure- I’m not. But where am I going?
A large, amber deer with a bushy white tail bounds towards the small space that lay before me, stopping on a bound that plants him directly in front of me. His seemingly ancient antlers carry strings of forest in themselves. The forest glitter settling on his fur makes his coat a blinding strobe light that appears to come straight from antiquity. ‘Follow me if you want the truth.’
What did he just say? I shake my head trying to discredit what I just heard, am I going insane? The feeling in my stomach though… I’ll follow him.
The forest where the stag is taking me welcomes more sunshine, and I become aware of noises and movements returning to the forest. A small rustling wind, a leaf shivering in ecstasy, a bee falling in love with a Trillium. I slow to observe the sounds, all the senses blessings to rejuvenating my chilled body, but as I slow, all the senses fade once again.
Whatever this course, wherever it might lead, I must pursue. I shall be daft if I linger and endow myself to a state of blind confusion. I may wind up that way at the end of this journey, but I press on. Wherever they may take me, I will succumb to my destiny.
When you write prose, you bring that poet's gift of language with you. Your prose is almost poetic. The images here are stunning, beautiful. And you have unusual usages too "a strobe light that appears to come straight from antiquity." The juxtaposition seems almost contradictory, but it focuses the reader's attention right on what you're trying to say. Almost like "a blast from the past."
I really like the use of "amber" to describe the deer. Gives it a sort of surreal feel. I think of a translucent golden color, almost like a gemstone. This entire piece has a dreamlike feel to it, strange and soothing and warm at the same time. The interweaving of "glitter" in the text echoes your theme and emphasizes the ethereal tone. You kind of get lost in it. Very nice, Syrah!
One minor ding: "A bee falling in love with a Trillion." Nice image, by the way, but did you mean "trillium," a species of daffodil? And in the second last sentence:
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I may end up that way at the end of this journey,
Maybe say, "I may wind up that way at the end of this journey" to avoid the repetition in the same line. But these are minor dings compared to the beauty of the piece. I would expect nothing less of you, with your talents.
Rates a "damned fine!"
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The images you paint in your prose is stunning, Sy. I agree with Rick. This does feel kind of dreamy. And the thick layer of hope at the end was exactly how I thought it should be. Great entry. It is always a pleaure to read your work.
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Oh...you...you...you BIG BAD WOLF! Bad girl! You go potty on the paper! BAD Girl!!!
It was among the headier prose ie beauty..very playful despite the intense soul searching that the promt required...the drama of it. I loved the voice used in this. Another triumph and i agree I think ou enjoy these the challenge and something to play with. Excellent sy.
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Excellent. It has a poetic beauty about it. You've created a beautiful picture in my mind. Some absolutely terrific descriptions there. I agree with Rick about the 'strobe light' part. Very unusual, and incredibly lovely. Terrific work!
Ah what can I say that has not already been said? I agree, the feel of it was magical, almost lost in a fantasy world somewhere between here and the imagination. There were spurts of fear and worry but somehow overall the piece was soothing and almost trance like. You did an amazing job of carrying the image from the beginning to the end, and I particularly liked the use of the glittery dust, I could almost see it coming down and sparkling in the light. One of my favorite pieces of prose from you to date, and I did not even mind the tense which is unusual for me. Great job!
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Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Wow! I have not stated this before, but you and Venomous would make GREAT writing partners I think, strongly believe. The way you execute your imagery, the senses you create with such marvelous vocabulary…Bravo! It is an honor to be in the presence of two FANTASTIC writers! So I shall give what little offerings that I can…5/5!:lov e:
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Ooooo, beautiful title, enchanting in some way and shimmering.
Wow, this whole piece is a symbolism. I found it touching as I read along. I guess I can interpret this in my own special way. The image quality was lush and the meaning beautiful.
I'm starting to over-exaggerate, so I'll stop. Good read, Syrah .
I strangely like this, it's so simple:
Quote:
A small rustling wind, a leaf shivering in ecstasy, a bee falling in love with a Trillium.
Hahaha, it's cute.
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I'm very glad you found beauty in this. Yes, meant to be interpretable individually- but with emphasis on a beauty- ethereal, magical feel to it. I really appreciate your comments.. Thank you very much!
Rena Hands
I realized I have been slow to thank you for your comments. Please don't take this as me not appreciating them but me being so busy sometimes all I have time for is reading them. Thank you so very much and I am ecstatic that you found joy in reading this. I agree that Bri and I should try writing a co/piece sometime. Similar, yet very different, styles we have. Complimentary I think.
Bri
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Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen
Ah what can I say that has not already been said? I agree, the feel of it was magical, almost lost in a fantasy world somewhere between here and the imagination. There were spurts of fear and worry but somehow overall the piece was soothing and almost trance like. You did an amazing job of carrying the image from the beginning to the end, and I particularly liked the use of the glittery dust, I could almost see it coming down and sparkling in the light. One of my favorite pieces of prose from you to date, and I did not even mind the tense which is unusual for me. Great job!
What can I say? You hit the nail on the head here. I was taking actual experience I have had with the "forest glitter".... it is part of the magic I feel in the forest and why I love where I live so much. Perhaps we should take a note from Rena and try cowriting sometime???? Thank you sooo much for your input. I appreciate it mucho, mucho.
Nupur
Thank you very much for your input. I appreciate all that you give and the time you take out of your day to read my work, let alone comment! Thank you!!!
Lubesh
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lubesh
It was among the headier prose ie beauty..very playful despite the intense soul searching that the promt required...the drama of it. I loved the voice used in this. Another triumph and i agree I think ou enjoy these the challenge and something to play with. Excellent sy.
This I originally found a very excellent compliment. I will continue to focus on growing on a writer both in content but all aspects of quality and am glad to see that there is indeed improvement happening. Thank you very much!!!!!!
Jimbo and Rick
Once again- Thank you for your comments. I really do appreciate them a lot- hell, I appreciate you just reading my work!
Thank you.. I'll fix it up
As I said, it's awesome; the dings didn't hurt it.
will eat you!
Re: EMWE 7- Forest Glitter
Linear Mode
