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| The Fifty-five Like the 1000-word Challenge, The Fifty-Five runs on the same schedule. The purpose of this Challenge is to teach and encourage writers on brevity and word economy. |
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02-12-2008, 09:31 AM
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FFFC #45 - Perfumed Kisses
It drifted, fragrant lies,
lingering in the stale smell of suspicion- It hung, thick accusations, pointed at the crimson flicker of infidelity One wrong slip, perfect imprinted lips along his perfumed collar His gaze wept the truth, flooding suspicion with apology- In suffocation’s wake she threw out accusations Breathing in the sweet smell of goodbye
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker "I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves Quote:
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03-12-2008, 02:38 AM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
Collars tell no lies.
 I like the way you involve the senses in this, Bri - the senses of smell and sight. The lady can smell the perfume and see the lipstick imprint, and it's all too easy to figure out what's been going on. As usual, your imagery shines; "crimson flicker of infidelity;" "his gaze wept the truth." Then the corker, for me, is the seeming contradiction: "Breathing in the sweet smell of goodbye." It doesn't seem that goodbye would be a sweet smell. And yet it makes sense - if he's cheating on her, she would likely want to be rid of him, and that would be, if not sweet, at least bittersweet. Nice. A very well-crafted poem, especially given the constraints of the "55." Great job.
__________________
Where you been lately? There's a New Kid in Town. Everybody loves him, don't they? Now he's holding her, and you're still around, Oh, my, my - There's a New Kid in Town. ~ Eagles ~
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03-12-2008, 03:51 AM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
This is YOU.
 Really reads like something you'd write, which makes me wonder why haven't I been reading more.. hehe. Great entry, Bri.
__________________
My momma said life is like a box of chocolates...
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03-12-2008, 08:43 AM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
Quote:
Is this not FFFC #45 and not FFFC #55?
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?
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04-12-2008, 06:39 AM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
Lovely! Imagery is great, and as rick noted, all the senses are involved which paints a great picture. Favorite line:
Quote:
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The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on. -Carl Sandburg
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04-12-2008, 08:51 AM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
Ditto...Rick hit it. The sensory involvement is masterful (is masterful strong enough? I think so) and the flow is excellent. "The stale smell of suspicion" -- classic!
__________________
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04-12-2008, 11:54 PM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
I really liked the visuals from this. "Perfect imprinted lips on his perfumed collar." Really liked it, Good Job.
__________________
Life is one long, lonely road and who do we have but oursleves to keep us company through the thick and thin. - Me.
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08-12-2008, 04:07 PM
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Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
:O Nice work. Brilliant.
The whole poem works as a little play. A heated arguement. A good setting in a "cramped up" enviroment. A great ending. Good read, Vee. -
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Slow bleak awakening from the morning dream
Brings me in contact with the sudden day. I am alive-this I. -
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12-12-2008, 03:35 AM
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Re: FFFC #45 - Perfumed Kisses
Thank you all very much!!
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker "I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves Quote:
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17-12-2008, 02:20 PM
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Re: FFFC #45 - Perfumed Kisses
Bri? Is this an eloquent way to say "Get lost you cheating bastard!"?
I think it might be something like that. Or maybe a pretense to that, maybe the engine is just reving. It was beautifully writen and, to me, it didn't seem as harsh as I think it really was meant to be...I don't think that came out the way I mean it but I don't know how to say it better. I liked it, it was a little bit dark but beautiful still.
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GO VOTE ON A CHALLENGE OR WE'LL TATTOO THIS  ON YOUR FOREHEAD!Quote:
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17-12-2008, 11:17 PM
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Re: FFFC #45 - Perfumed Kisses
Very smelly...the last lines ..just collared it...beautifull as per.
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Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering... 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING! Comp/Challenges FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
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