The Fifty-fiveLike the 1000-word Challenge, The Fifty-Five runs on the same schedule. The purpose of this Challenge is to teach and encourage writers on brevity and word economy.
It drifted, fragrant lies,
lingering in the stale smell of suspicion-
It hung, thick accusations,
pointed at the crimson flicker of infidelity
One wrong slip,
perfect imprinted lips
along his perfumed collar
His gaze wept the truth,
flooding suspicion with apology-
In suffocation’s wake
she threw out accusations
Breathing in the sweet smell
of goodbye
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"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
I like the way you involve the senses in this, Bri - the senses of smell and sight. The lady can smell the perfume and see the lipstick imprint, and it's all too easy to figure out what's been going on. As usual, your imagery shines; "crimson flicker of infidelity;" "his gaze wept the truth." Then the corker, for me, is the seeming contradiction: "Breathing in the sweet smell of goodbye." It doesn't seem that goodbye would be a sweet smell. And yet it makes sense - if he's cheating on her, she would likely want to be rid of him, and that would be, if not sweet, at least bittersweet.
Nice. A very well-crafted poem, especially given the constraints of the "55." Great job.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
There’s something GREATER than ‘FABULOUS,’ but I don’t know it. Extraordinary. Exceptional. And Remarkable Eerie in that u captured and illustrated the ‘truth’ with little to no words expressed in speech.
Is this not FFFC #45 and not FFFC #55?
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If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Ditto...Rick hit it. The sensory involvement is masterful (is masterful strong enough? I think so) and the flow is excellent. "The stale smell of suspicion" -- classic!
I really liked the visuals from this. "Perfect imprinted lips on his perfumed collar." Really liked it, Good Job.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Bri? Is this an eloquent way to say "Get lost you cheating bastard!"? I think it might be something like that. Or maybe a pretense to that, maybe the engine is just reving. It was beautifully writen and, to me, it didn't seem as harsh as I think it really was meant to be...I don't think that came out the way I mean it but I don't know how to say it better. I liked it, it was a little bit dark but beautiful still.
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Go vote on a challenge or will eat you!
Quote:
Oh...you...you...you BIG BAD WOLF! Bad girl! You go potty on the paper! BAD Girl!!!
Really reads like something you'd write, which makes me wonder why haven't I been reading more.. hehe. Great entry, Bri.
Re: FFFC #55 - Perfumed Kisses
will eat you!
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